[Illustration: WE'VE NOT COME TO THAT YET. _She._ "I WAS SO GLAD TO HEAR OF YOUR MARRIAGE! DO COME TO US AND BRING YOUR WIFE. BY THE WAY, WHAT IS YOUR NAME NOW?" _He._ "OH, _I_ HAVEN'T CHANGED MY NAME. IT'S _SHE_, YOU KNOW!"] * * * * * REFLECTIONS (_By a Well-Plucked One._) When chapel bells rang far and wide, Why did I turn upon my side, And sweetly back to slumber glide? I wonder! When zephyrs wafted on their way The fragrance of the new-mown hay, Why did I cut my lectures, eh? I wonder! Why did I moor my punt afar, With claret-cup and choice cigar, Instead of reading for the Bar? I wonder! Why did the Proctors always frown On meeting me without a gown, And ultimately send me down? I wonder! Why did the Dons all disagree With my pet views on equity, And plough me for my LL.B.? I wonder! Why am I now in chambers bare, With nothing much but debts to spare, Cash gone, and credit growing rare? I wonder! Why do no clients seek my door To profit by my legal lore? Will it be thus for evermore? I wonder! * * * * * The New Fashion. The fashion in hair The ladies now wear Never can last I'll engage: For though, pretty dears, It hideth their ears, It addeth some years to their age. * * * * * THE NEW MAN. (_A Fragment from the Romance of the Near Future._) He had waited up until two in the morning. He had watched the hands of the clock as they passed round the face from hour to hour. He had put a cloth over the supper, knowing, however, that the meat would be disregarded, and only the brandy and soda-water touched by the expected one. The poor man gazed sadly at the children's toys, the tradesmen's books that were beside him. "Not home yet," he murmured. "Ah, those dinners at the club!"