_Visitor (gloomily)._ I don't want anybody's life. I want--let's see--_A Gentleman of France_. _Shop Attendant. A Gentleman of France?_ I don't recollect the title. But (_cheerfully_) we've _John Halifax, Gentleman_, if that'll do as well. _Visitor (groaning)._ Oh no, it won't! How about _So-so_, by BENSON, you know? Or I hear Mrs. CLIFFORD'S latest is worth reading. Or _Bess of the Curvybills_, by HARDY. That's been out a couple of years at least. (_Hopefully._) Oh, I'm sure _that_'s got to you. _Shop Attendant (floored)._ Would you look through the shelves for yourself, if you please? You'll find _something_ to suit you, I _know_. There's one or two of DICKENS'S, and _Middlemarch_--now, _that_'s a rather recent work. Or _The Channings_. We've had _The Channings_ bound again, and it's a _great_ favourite. [_Flits off quite relieved at the entrance of a girl who desires a penny time-table and a halfpennyworth of writing-paper._ * * * * * The Plague of Poets. (_By a Rabid Reviewer._) What's this the log-rollers are gushing about? "Captain JACK CRAWFORD, the Post Scout!" Oh, bother the Bards! How the rhyme-grinders go it! My future rule shall be "scout the poet!" * * * * * "MUTES AND LIQUIDS."--Some clever detectives, of the Birmingham Police Force--not by any means Brummagem detectives--disguised themselves as "Mourners' Mutes" and such like black guards of hearses, and, after a re-hearsal of their several parts, they went to a tavern for drink--grief, professionally or otherwise, being thirsty work--and managed to discover that this public-house was only a privately conducted betting-house, being, like themselves, in disguise. The result has yet to be ascertained, but so far it has proved a most successful "undertaking." * * * * * GOOD NEWS.--"Cheer, Boys, Cheer!" "There's a Good Time Coming"; for the evergreen veteran, Mr. HENRY RUSSELL, is "preparing his reminiscences for publication." _Mr. Punch_ looks forward with pleasure to perusing them, and wishes that HENRY'S congenial collaborator, CHARLES MACKAY, were yet living to share the treat. * * * * * [Illustration: THE SEA-FAIRIES; OR, ULYSSES-PUNCHIUS AND THE MODERN SIRENS. (_A long way after the late Laureate._)]