Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 107, September 15, 1894Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 107, September 15, 1894
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Pill._ Lady RHODA appears to be consoling him. Poor dear ARCHIE'S face
is quite a study. But really I don't see that his poetry is so very
wonderful; no more did _you_ this morning!
_Miss Spelw._ Because you deliberately picked out the worst bits, and
read them as badly as you could!
_Pill._ Ah, well, he's here to read them for himself now. I daresay he'd
be delighted to be asked.
_Miss Spelw._ Do you know, BERTIE, that's rather a good idea of yours.
I'll ask him to read us something to-night.
_Pill. (aghast)._ To-night! With all these people here? I say, they'll
never _stand_ it, you know.
[Lady CULVERIN _gives the signal_.
_Miss Spelw._ (_as she rises_). They ought to feel it an immense
privilege. I know _I_ shall.
_The Bishop_ (_to himself, as he rises_). Port in sight--at last! But,
oh, _what_ I have had to suffer!
_Lady Cant._ (_at parting_). Well, we've had quite one of our old
discussions. I always enjoy talking to _you_, Bishop. But I haven't yet
got at your reasons for voting as you did on the Parish Councils Bill:
we must go into that upstairs.
_The Bishop_ (_with veracity_). I shall be--ah--all impatience, Lady
CANTIRE. (_To himself._) I fervently trust that a repetition of this
experience may yet be spared me!
_Lady Rhoda_ (_as she leaves SPURRELL_). You will tell me the name of
the stuff upstairs, won't you? So very much ta!
_Archie_ (_to himself_). I'd like to tar him very much, and feather him
too, for cuttin' me out like this! (_The men sit down_; SPURRELL _finds
himself between_ ARCHIE _and_ Captain THICKNESSE, _at the further end of
the table_; ARCHIE _passes the wine to_ SPURRELL _with a scowl_.) What
are you drinkin'? Claret? What do you do your writin' on, now, as a
general thing?
_Spurr._ (_on the defensive_). On paper, Sir, when I've any to do. Do
you do yours on a _slate_?
_Captain Thicknesse._ I say, that's rather good. Had you there,
BEARPARK!
_Spurr._ (_to_ ARCHIE, _lowering his voice_). Look here, I see you're
trying to put a spoke in my wheel. You saw me writing at dinner, and
went and told that young lady I was going to take everything off there
and then, which you must have known I wasn't likely to do. Now, Sir,
it's no business of yours that I can see; but, as you seem to be
interested, I may tell you that I shall do it in my own room, as soon as
I leave this table, and there will be no fuss or publicity about it
whatever. I hope you're satisfied now?
_Archie._ Oh, _I_'m satisfied. (_He rises._) Left my cigarette-case
upstairs--horrid bore--must go and get it.
_Capt. Thick._ They'll be bringing some round in another minute.
_Archie._ Prefer my own. (_To himself, as he leaves the hall._) I knew I
was right. That bounder _is_ meaning to scribble some rot about us all!
He's goin' straight up to his room to do it.... Well, he may find a
little surprise when he gets there!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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