_Mrs. Pomfr._ Don't speak of it as trespassing, Sir. It's not often we have a gentleman of your profession as a visitor, but you are none the less welcome. Now I'd better introduce you all round, and then you won't feel yourself a stranger. Miss PHILLIPSON you _have_ met, I know. [_She introduces him to the others in turn_; UNDERSHELL _bows helplessly_. _Steptoe (with urbanity)._ Your fame, Sir, has preceded you. And you'll find us a very friendly and congenial little circle on a better acquaintance--if this is your first experience of this particular form of society? _Und. (to himself)._ I mustn't be stiff, I'll put them at their ease. (_Aloud._) Why, I must admit, Mr. STEPTOE, that I have never before had the privilege of entering the--(_with an ingratiating smile all round him_) the "Pugs' Parlour," as I understand you call this very charming room. [_The company draw themselves up and cough in disapprobation._ _Stept. (very stiffly)._ Pardon _me_, Sir, you have been totally misinformed. Such an expression is not current _here_. _Mrs. Pomfr. (more stiffly still)._ It is never alluded to in _my_ presence except as the 'Ousekeeper's Room, which is the right and proper name for it. There may be some other term for it in the Servants' 'All for anything _I_ know to the contrary--but if you'll excuse me for saying so, Mr. UNDERSHELL, we'd prefer for it not to be repeated in _our_ presence. _Und. (confusedly)._ I--I beg ten thousand pardons. (_To himself._) To be pulled up like this for trying to be genial--it's really _too humiliating_! _Stept. (relaxing)._ Well, well, Sir; we must make some allowances for a neophyte. You'll know better another time, _I_ daresay. Miss PHILLIPSON here has been giving you a very favourable character as a highly agreeable rattle, Mr. UNDERSHELL. I hope we may be favoured with a specimen of your social talents later on. We're always grateful here for anything in that way--such as a recitation now, or a comic song, or a yumorous imitation--anything, in short, calculated to promote the general harmony and festivity will be appreciated. _Miss (Stick acidly)._ Provided it is free from any helement of coarseness, which we do _not_ encourage--far from it! _Und. (suppressing his irritation)._ You need be under no alarm, Madam. I do not propose to attempt a performance of _any_ kind. _Phill._ Don't be so solemn, Mr. UNDERSHELL! I'm sure you can be as comical as any playactor when you choose! _Und._ I really don't know how I can have given you that impression. If you expect me to treat my lyre like a _horse-collar_, and grin through it, I'm afraid I am unable to gratify you. _Stept. (at sea)._ Capital, Sir, the professional allusion very neat. You'll come out presently, _I_ can see, when supper's on the table. Can't expect you to rattle till you've something _inside_ of you, can we? _Miss Stick._ Reelly, Mr. STEPTOE, I _am_ surprised at such commonness from _you_!