_Not_ the Learned Pig, ladies and gentlemen, this time. Oh dear no! I should think the public had had about enough of him for some time to come, and---- Oh, I forgot! (_Aside: He'll have to be trotted out again presently, so I'd better shut up, and not spoil the market for_ Misther O'MORLEY.) As I was saying, ladies and gentlemen, not the Learned Irish Pig, but the Learned Welsh Goat! A goat, you know, is a nimble creature, which, in a state of nature, mounts pinnacles, and leaps from rock to rock, like the poor gentleman in the _Contrabandista_. This one could climb a church steeple, and balance itself on the weathercock--if permitted to do so. Couldn't you, TAFFY? (_Aside: I hope the blessed brute won't butt me. He's been a bit restive of late._) No, ladies and gentlemen, _Esmeralda's_ goat was really not in it with mine, for nimbleness and _nous_, much less the goat in _Dinorah_. As to _Robinson Crusoe's_ much talked of animal---- Here, I say, TAFFY! _Crwych llnwyddfohw ychonbompthyy kckonobommthygy!_ That means, "Mind your 'p's' and 'q's'," ladies and gentlemen, or, in Welsh, "Mind your 'l's' and 'y's.'" But _my_ goat understands English quite well, as you'll see presently, and, moreover, is not, as Lord ROSEBERY says most _other_ members of the Liberal Party are, floored by words of two syllables. TAFFY is equal to _five_--at least! Most Welsh words, you know, are in about twenty. At east, they _look_ so, to non-Welshers--I mean, non-Welshmen. (_Aside: Hope they won't ask me what is the Welsh for "Ploughing the Sands"!_) Now, you see, ladies and gentlemen, here are sixteen letters, scattered, "in pie," as it were, forming a word of five syllables, which has been familiar in our mouths as "All the Year Round"--I mean household words--of late. (_Aside: Indeed it has! And if they knew what a bore it has become in Cabinet Councils and other places where they squabble---- Well, no matter!_) Behold the letters, ladies and gentlemen! M. B. L. E. A. T. I. S. H. D. I. S. S. E .N. T Now, TAFFY, what can you make of _that?_ Watch him, ladies and gentlemen! Mark his sagacity! And remember, it is all done by kindness! (_Aside: Yes, "by_ CADWALLADER _and all his goats," it wouldn't do to try anything else with_ this _animal, or we should all be sprawling in no time!_) Plbymbch y llnrnwtclfly, TAFFY! See, he starts with "a big, big D." No profanity intended, I assure you. This is a Noncomformist goat, and carries a conscience! D.I.S. Ah! that, too, hath an ominous sound, TAFF! But you're not through yet. E. S. T. A. B! How carefully, yet how confidently, he picks them out. No hesitation, no indecision. Ah! Gallant Little TAFFY knows his book! D. I. S. E. S. T. A. B---- Well, and what's the _next_ letter, TAFFY? [_Left spelling it out._ [Illustration: THE LEARNED WELSH GOAT. DAME AP-ASQ-TH. "NOW, TAFFY, WHAT'S THE NEXT LETTER?"] * * * * * HARD TO (L. C.) C.