PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI Volume 108, February 9th, 1895. _edited by Sir Francis Burnand_ TO LUCENDA. (_Who had made "Copy" of Me._) The bright September when we met My prospects were _not_ over healthy, Though you were, I do _not_ forget, Extremely wealthy. I know not why it chanced to be, But this I recollect most clearly-- It never once occurred to me To love you dearly. 'Twas not your fault, so do not vex Yourself, for I admired your beauty, Since admiration of your sex Is Man's Whole Duty. And thus it came to be our lot To part without a sign or token; I went upon my way, but not The least heart-broken. My "fatal pride" does not object At your fair hands to be made verse on; But p'raps next time you will select-- Some other person! * * * * * UNANSWERABLE.--The Archbishop of CANTERBURY, speaking at Folkestone last week, said that "The Disestablishment Bill does not need any answering: it answers itself." An' it please your Grace, if it does "answer," and answers its purpose, what more can be required of this Bill or any other? * * * * * THE NEW WEATHER PROVERB.--It never rains--but it snows! * * * * * [Illustration: BRAVE GIRL! _Millicent_ (_from the country_). "_NOW_, MABEL! LET'S MAKE A DASH!!"] * * * * * QUEER QUERIES. FREEZING THE VERTEBRÆ.--I am in the last stage of bronchitis, complicated with pneumonia, influenza, and asthma, and a friend has advised me to try the new French cure of applying ice to the spine. Will some obliging physician tell me whether he considers such a course safe? None but a recognised specialist need trouble to reply; and if he does so, I shall have the satisfaction of feeling that I have saved his fee, as well as my own life. My boy advises me to go skating, and "I shall be sure then to have my back applied to the ice," which he says is the same thing as applying ice to my back. But is it? A nephew who is staying in the house also kindly offers to "shy hard snow-balls at my spine," if that would help me in any way. It is a pity that the newspaper (from which I derived this medical hint) was not clear as to details; for instance, when I _have_ applied the ice, what is to prevent its melting and trickling all over me?--NON-PAYING PATIENT. * * * * * Meteorological Moralising. 'Tis an ill-wind which blows nobody good, And one man's meat another's poison is. What is disaster to one man or mood, Is to another mood or man "good biz." What to your dramatist means love's labour's lost, Your would-be skater craves--"a perfect frost!" * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.