The German CROWN PRINCE has become a member of the Danzig Cabinet Makers' Union. Later on he hopes to become a Chancellor-maker. *** Another impending apology? Headlines from _The Daily Chronicle_:-- "PNEUMONIA ON THE RAND. DISCOVERY OF ITS CAUSE. SIR ALMROTH WRIGHT'S VACCINE TREATMENT." *** Could frugality go further? At the golden wedding celebrations of a Southend couple, a packet of wedding cake was eaten which had been put away on their marriage day in 1863. *** A soap combine, with a nominal capital of £35,000,000, is said to have been formed to exploit China; and the Mongols may yet cease to be a yellow race. *** The latest tall story from America is to the effect that some burglars who broke into the Presbyterian church at Syracuse, New York, stole a parcel of sermons. * * * * * [Illustration: PANTOMIME FAUNA. _Extract from the note-book of the dramatic critic of "the Wampton Clarion_":-- Mr. Clarence Fink delighted the Audience with his truly life like representation of [Crossed-out: a wolf bear lion cat monkey] an animal of the furry tribe.] * * * * * YOUNG MOTHER'S SWAN-SONG. ["It was better for a young mother to start her new chapter unhampered: the less she knew the better it was for her."--_Mrs. Annie Swan_.] How do you take a baby up? What does it like to eat? Do you put rusks in a feeding cup? Have you to mince its meat? Haven't I heard them speak of pap? Isn't there caudle too? How do you keep the thing on your lap? Why are its eyes askew? Is it a touch of original sin Causes an infant to squall, Or trust misplaced in a safety-pin Lost in the depths of a shawl? When do you "shorten" a growing child (_Is_ it so much too long)? Should legs be lopped or the scalp be filed? Both in a sense seem wrong. "Kitchy," I think I have heard them say; What shall I make it kitch? "Bo" I believe in a mystic way Frightens or soothes, but which? Didn't I see one once reversed, Patted about the spine? Is it the way they should all be nursed? Will it agree with mine? Surely its gums are strangely bare? Why does it dribble so? Will reason dawn in that glassy stare If I dandle it briskly? OH!!! Grandmothers! Mothers! or Instinct, you! Haste with your secret lore! What, oh what shall I, what shall I do? Baby has crashed to the floor! * * * * * "They adjourned to the Village Hell, where each child was presented with a parcel of suitable clothing."--_Tonbridge Free Press_. Asbestos, no doubt. * * * * * A PRANCING PRUSSIAN. (_Showing how Colonel VON REUTER, late of Zabern, appealed to his regiment to defend the honour of the Army. The following speech is based upon evidence given at the Strassburg trial._)