Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 21, 1914Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 21, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"I'll leave you for a while now," she said; "The fire's all right.
Your drink's by the bed. You'll ring if you want anything."
All these things I knew. My drink is always beside the bed; the bell
is the natural communication between me and the house. What a foolish
chatterbox the woman was! I nodded and she went out.
On her return an hour or so later she asked, "Is there anything in the
paper?"
Before answering I examined this question. What did it mean? It did
not mean, Are the pages this morning absolutely blank, for a change?
It meant, Is there a good murder? Is any very important person dead?
In reply I handed the paper to her.
Instead of reading it she began a long account of her morning's
walk. She told me where she had been; whom she had seen; whom she
had thought she had seen and then found that it was some one else;
what somebody had said. Not a syllable mattered, I now realised;
but yesterday I should have joined in the talk, asked questions,
encouraged her in her foolishness.
Just before lunch my brother and a guest came into the room and began
to talk about golf. My brother said that he had been round in 98. This
was his best since September, when he went round in 97. He described
his difficulties at the tenth hole.
It all seemed very idiotic to me, for the game was over and done with.
Why rake it up?
The guest said that he had lost two balls, one of which was expensive.
His driving had been good, but in the short game he had been weak.
He could never quite make up his mind whether he putted best with a
gun-metal putter or a wooden one.
My brother asked me if I remembered that long drive of his two years
ago?
I nodded.
The nurse came in and told them to go. She then asked me if I was
hungry.
"Very," I said.
She brought me some beef-tea and calf's-foot-jelly, remarking that
they were easily taken and "would not hurt my throat."
That was why they were chosen, of course.
In the afternoon I had a visit from my Aunt Lavinia, who sat down with
the remark that she would tell me all the news.
"You remember Esther?" she began.
Esther is my cousin and we were brought up together. How could I have
forgotten her?
What she told me about Esther was of no consequence. Then she told me
how she had nearly lost her luggage at Brighton--she quite thought she
had lost it, in fact--but, as it happened, it turned up. "And if I had
lost it," she said, "it would have been dreadful, for I had a number
of dear Stella's beautiful sketches in one of my trunks. Quite
irreplaceable. However, it is all right."
Then why tell me?
And so she rattled on.
"You don't say anything," she said at last.
It was true. I had said nothing. I told her what the doctor
instructed.
"Quite right," she remarked. "I wish other people even in good health
could have the same prescription."
Just before dinner my brother came in again. "You've had Aunt Lavinia
here," he said.
I had.
"Getting quite grey, I thought," he said.
I had noticed it too.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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