Sir,--In my opinion your paper is the cleverest in the country--nay in the world. Nowhere else is such exquisite literary discrimination shown. I enclose a small contribution for your consideration, and am, Yours faithfully, CONSTANT READER. * * * * * [Illustration: "TWELFTH NIGHT" (JAN. 6). _Mr. Lloyd George (as_ Malvolio). "Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused."--_Act IV., Scene 2._] * * * * * THE PAPER-CHASE. I arrived at home at three o'clock on a frosty afternoon. "Now," thought I, "I shall have a quiet time before tea and shall be able to write a few letters and start my article." It was a dream of usefully employed leisure, but it didn't last long. I found the whole family, with the addition of a little boyfriend, gathered together in a very purposeful and alarming way in the library There was about them an undefinable air of the chase, for they were all well-booted and belted, and Peggy had a large clasp-knife dangling at her waist. "It is for the hare," she said, "when we catch him." "The hare?" I said. "What hare?" "You," said the lady of the house cheerfully, "are to be the hare. You are to run till you are cooked, and then you will be caught." "What madness is this?" I said. "It's not madness a bit," said Helen indignantly. "It's a paper-chase." "And I," said Rosie, "have torn up all _The Timeses_." "And I," said John, who is not always sure of his tenses, though he is very voluble, "have tored up _The Daily Newses_." "That's capital," I said with enthusiasm. "A paper-chase is the best fun in the world. I'll see you start and give you a cheer." "You can't do that," said Helen firmly, "because we've settled that you're to carry the bag and be the hare." "Come, come," I said, "this is an unworthy proposal. Would you chase your more than middle-aged father over the open country? Never. How could he look the village in the face if he were to be seen scattering little bits of paper from a linen bag? He would fall in their estimation and would drag you all with him in his fall. John," I said, "you would not have your father fall, would you?" "It would make me laugh," said John, and the rest seemed to think that this callous remark settled the matter. "Anyhow," I said, "I must have plenty of law." "We won't have any law," said Helen, who is an intelligent child; "it's all quarrellings." "Law," I said, "is the embodiment of human wisdom. In this case it means that I'm going to have ten minutes' start. Everyone of you must pledge his or her honour not to move until I've been gone ten minutes." They made no difficulty about this, and, the lady of the house having appointed herself time-keeper and having promised to have a large tea ready for us when we returned, I was sent on my way with a bag of paper and many shrill shouts of encouragement.