Madame MELBA'S most perilous experience was on a tour in the Far East, when the liner in which she was travelling was caught by a tidal wave and hurled with enormous velocity towards the rocky coast of Sumatra. Noticing that a large whale was following the vessel, and remembering the peculiar susceptibility of these giant mammals to musical sounds, Madame MELBA sang the _scena_, "Ocean, thou mighty monster," with such persuasive force that the whale allowed itself to be made fast with a hawser and then towed the liner back safely into the open sea. Mr. Bamborough (formerly M. Bamberger) recounted the episode, already alluded to in these columns, when he was partially eaten by cannibals in the Solomon Islands; but the details are too harrowing for reproduction, even in a condensed form. It is interesting to learn, however, that a punitive expedition was despatched by the British Government to avenge the insult, as a result of which Mr. Bamborough was awarded an indemnity of 1,000 bales of copra, 20 tons of sandalwood, and £3,000 worth of tortoiseshell. Sir FREDERICK COWEN, in reply to the circular, states that the closest call he ever had was when adjudicating at a Welsh Eisteddfod. In consequence of an unpopular award he was besieged in his hotel by an infuriated crowd and only escaped by changing clothes with a policeman. Professor Quantock de Banville relates how, while obtaining local colour for his new Choral Symphony, he was attacked by a gorilla in Central Africa, but tamed the mighty simian by the power of his eye. In conclusion we may note that the only disappointing answer was received from Signor Crinuto, the famous pianist, who replied, "I have never had a close shave, and never intend to have one." * * * * * [Illustration: THE WEEK-END AND THE EXHAUSTED MIDDLE. TIME--_Wednesday, 4 P.M._ _Client (to office-boy)._ "CAN I SEE MR. BROWN?" _Office-Boy._ "AWAY FOR THE WEEK-END, SIR." _Client_. "WHICH?" _Office-Boy._ "NEXT, SIR."] * * * * * "A Christmas Tree Entertainment will be held in Pelican Lake schoolhouse on Tuesday, Dec. 23. Everybody welcome, no admission."--_Vermilion Standard_ (Alberta. No relation to _The Sporting Times_). You are at perfect liberty to hang about outside. * * * * * "No one can deny that it is essential London should have a thoroughly equipped shin hospital."--_Advt. in "Sphere."_ No footballer, anyhow. * * * * * FROM A GENERAL KNOWLEDGE (SIC) EXAMINATION. The Cat and Mouse Act is an Act by which a cat may not kill a mouse unless when necessary. The Apocalypse is an ailment one has apolcalyptic fits. Sea-legs are when you don't have legs but a tail. The All Red Route is the human throat or swallow.