Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 147, August 12, 1914Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 147, August 12, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
On Thursday last, nearly a week before the actual proclamation of war,
the wildest rumours were afloat here. A motherly lady assured me with a
smile that the German fleet might be expected at any moment. "The
British fleet," she told me, "has been overwhelmed and sunk in the North
Sea. The Germans have determined to capture the Isle of Wight, so we are
none of us safe." I asked her where she had heard this dreadful news.
"Oh, it's all over the village." Thereupon she moved calmly into a
bathing cabin and had a patriotic dip. In another quarter I was told
that the Island could not fail to be cut off, and awful things were
prophesied as to what would happen to us unless we made our way to the
mainland with the utmost promptitude. The supply of eggs was to run
short; meat was to go up to famine prices or be reserved entirely for
the soldiery, our intrepid defenders; bread was to become a luxury
obtainable only by millionaires. All this was reported on the authority
of a man who had it from another man who had it from a banker who was in
close touch with the War Office in London. So far what is true is that
steamers no longer come to Totland Bay, and anyone who wants to visit us
here can get no nearer by boat than Yarmouth--not, of course, the home
of the bloater, but our own little island Yarmouth, round the corner. In
the meantime a good deal of patriotic self-denial is going on amongst
the juvenile population. A friend of mine, aged seven, hearing the talk
about all the coming privations, has decided to remove chocolates, buns
and sponge-cakes from his dietary, and several young ladies have agreed
to take milk instead of cream with their breakfast porridge.
This morning we were brought face to face with the grimmest reality of
war we have so far experienced. A boy-scout called at the house and
produced an official paper asking for the names and addresses of any
aliens who might be residing in the house. We have one such alien, a
German maid for the children, a most unwarlike and inoffensive alien.
Her name was entered on the form and the boy-scout disappeared to call
at other houses. Since then, at intervals of about half-an-hour, other
boy-scouts have called and produced similar forms. I have just dismissed
a party of three, telling them that they seemed to be overlapping. They
smiled and said, "Thank you," and retired. I look out of the window and
behold two more approaching. They are doing the thing thoroughly.
P.S.--Another notice is out warning us that it is known there are a lot
of spies in the Island, and that we must not loiter near a fort lest we
be shot. It is rumoured that soldiers are to be billeted on us
(enthusiastic cheers from the younger members of the family).
R. C. L.
* * * * *
"Turnip, beef, carrots, and onions, if of suitable variety, would in
a favourable autumn yield fair-sized bulbs."--_Manchester Evening
News._
_New Song._ "When father carved the bulb."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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