Punch, Or the London Charivari, Volume 148, January 6th, 1915 — John Shaqi
Punch, Or the London Charivari, Volume 148, January 6th, 1915Various
History
Punch, Or the London Charivari, Volume 148, January 6th, 1915
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"Consequence o' which," said George Hangar, "we've gone an' made
ourselves into an Informal Committee o' Defence, same as sits night an'
day in the War Office in London. An' the question before the meetin'
is, what's to be done if some fine day we wakes up to find a couple o'
thousand black 'elmets marchin' down the main road?"
"Ambush 'em," said Thomas Fallow definitely. "Told you so afore. Lie
be'ind the 'edges an' pick 'em off. My old rook-rifle'd roll 'em over
proper. Shoot straight an' keep on shootin'."
Aaron made a scornful noise in his throat.
"An' them as did get in the village'd punish us for them as didn't!
Burnin', killin' an' worse."
"Then outflank 'em," insisted Thomas doggedly. "Let 'em 'ave their fill
of advancin', same as old Joffer done, an' then ketch 'em in the side
an' discriminate 'em."
"You're not agoin' to do that with the men left in Amberry," said
Aaron. He was a market-gardener by trade. "'Twould be like a dozen
sparrers tryin' to outflank a steam-roller. Trenchin's the thing. Dig
deep, an' lay the soil loose 'long the far edge. There's a decent bit
o' shelter by Whemmick's Cottages."
"The best bein' opposite Number Five," added Fallow, whereat there was
a bellow of laughter, and Aaron flushed magnificently, for at Number
Five lives Molly Garner, wooed by Aaron, but as yet hesitating between
him and the Wream plumber.
George Hangar, who up to the present had scarcely spoken, intervened.
He has a bass voice, which on Sundays makes the little roof of the
United Bunyans quiver; for the other six days of the week he works at
a carpenter's bench in an open-fronted shed. He has a sound knowledge
of timber, and is no ignoramus concerning the values of Hepplewhite and
Sheraton.
"You're wrong," he roared. "Silly-minded an' wrong! This ain't the
Aisne. What do a village do when it's attacked? Answer me that."
No one answered; to say the wrong thing would exasperate him, to say
the right would exasperate him still more.
"They puts up barrycades," continued Hangar. "An' for why? 'Cause it's
only them that can hold off horse, foot an' 'tillery. Barrycades made
o' seasoned oak, same as I got stored at the back o' my shed, sunk a
good two feet, with bolted cross-pieces an' spurs, an' maybe a trifle
o' barbed wire in front."
"An' where's this contraption to be set up?" demanded Mr. Chittenden
with sudden suspicion.
"End o' village."
"Meanin' that the enemy may march through Wream, with nothin' to
stop 'em wreckin' the Fountain? An' this was to be a meetin' for the
consideration o' mutual defence!"
"The question afore the members," said Aaron hastily, "is, which place
'as most strategetical value? Thing is to stop 'em quick an' for good."
"An' where'll you beat a rook-rifle for doin' that?" demanded Thomas
Fallow. "If I'm willin' to take the risks----"
"'Tain't a question o' willingness, but tatties," said Mr. Chittenden,
still unappeased.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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