The Sergeant, who wears a yellow brassard, reported to the Sub-Inspector (red band), and from there the information will travel upwards and onwards to the Chief Sub-Inspector (light-blue band), the Inspector (dark-blue band), the Commander (white band), and the Chief Staff Officer, who resides in the west wing of New Scotland Yard and probably wears a cocked hat. From there it will cross the Bridge of Sighs to the east wing, occupied by the more ordinary police, and will trickle down in reverse order of precedence to a regular Constable, who will probably call on Mr. LLOYD GEORGE with an official blue paper in his hand:-- "Sir,--From information received, it transpires that on or about the 15th instant, in the year of grace 1914,... head-lights contravening, traversing or otherwise infringing ... and should the offence be repeated.... In the name of our Sovereign Lord the King, Emperor of India, Defender of the Faith." LLOYD GEORGE will humbly submit to the decree, will sign a promissory note of obedience (Moratorium barred), and the incident will close. Think of the glory of putting all that in motion! Yes, it was worth while joining the Force. * * * * * It having been officially announced (in "Charivaria") that members of the O.B.C. (Old Boys Corps) object to being called the Old B.C.'s, an intolerable suggestion is now put forward that they should be known as the "Obese He's." * * * * * Rear-Admiral SCHLIEPER says in the _Berliner Lokal-Anzeiger_ that the Germans could never overcome a certain sentimental feeling of justice and delicacy with regard to England. We do not know how Scarborough regards this veracious statement, but our own motto is "Let Schlieping dogs lie." * * * * * THE PATRIOTIC BURGLAR. [Illustration: I. THE ABOVE PROFESSIONAL CRIMINAL WHO RECENTLY BROKE INTO A HOUSE AND STOLE A SILVER MUSTARD-POT AND A COUPLE OF SPOONS----] [Illustration: II. ----SAW HIS ACT DESCRIBED IN THE PAPER NEXT DAY AS "A PECULIARLY MEAN AND COWARDLY ONE, THE OCCUPIER OF THE HOUSE BEING ABSENT SERVING HIS COUNTRY." WHEN IT WAS PUT TO HIM LIKE THAT----] [Illustration: III. ----HE DETERMINED TO MAKE RESTITUTION. HE COULD NOT RETURN THE IDENTICAL ARTICLES HE HAD TAKEN. ALAS! THEY WERE ALREADY MELTED. SO HE BROKE INTO ANOTHER HOUSE, ASCERTAINING FIRST THAT THE OCCUPIER WAS NOT SERVING HIS COUNTRY----] [Illustration: IV. ----AND THEN REBROKE INTO THE FIRST HOUSE (SILENCING THE COOK WHO HAD BEEN LEFT IN CHARGE AND WAS INCLINED TO RAISE AN ALARM) AND PLACED THERE THE RESULTS OF THE SECOND BURGLARY. AFTER THAT HE FELT MUCH BETTER, AND COULD LOOK PATRIOTS IN THE FACE.] * * * * * AT THE PLAY. "DAVID COPPERFIELD."