DEAR PETHERTON,--What a noble literary effort is yours, but, if I may be allowed to criticise it, it seems to me that while your technique is almost faultless there is lack of a sense of values in the composition. Word-painting is a delightful art, but surely in this case the most important feature should have been a telling description of your missing bird. The mere outward hue of the parrot is not sufficient; I wanted you to describe its habits, accomplishments and the colour of its language; and in face of your meagre description I should not feel justified in handing over this bird to you, in spite of its being a grey one. Mind you, I believe you belong to this parrot, but I should like further proof. I have made no other inquiries in Surbury, but possibly someone else in the neighbourhood may have a grey parrot on the loose. Trusting to have a satisfactory reply at your leisure, I am, Yours faithfully, H. J. FORDYCE. Petherton by this time was up on his hind legs. He wrote:-- Confound you, Sir! The bird is undoubtedly mine. It is grey, talks a little, and puts its head on one side after the manner of its kind. I need not give you a fuller description of it; you know perfectly well the bird is mine, and if you do not return it at once I shall take legal steps for the recovery of my property. FREDERICK PETHERTON. DEAR FRED,--I am sorry you should be so upset by the loss of a bird that must have been a cause of considerable embarrassment to you at times, that is if the bird which at present conducts our _menage_ is yours. If you would only provide me with a list of the phrases most favoured by your parrot I should be able to come to a definite conclusion on the point of ownership. In a general way the bird here tallies with your description. As you practically ask for their name, my solicitors are Messrs. Smith, Smith, Smith & Jones, which may be algebraically expressed (though not on the envelope) as 3 (_Smith_) + _Jones_. In the event of your going on the war-path these gentlemen would accept service of any billets-doux on my behalf. Yours, HARRY J. FORDYCE. P.S.--If you have any sort of book explaining how to subpoena a parrot, do lend it me like a good chap. If I find it necessary to call it (the parrot), its evidence will have to be heard _in camera_, I fancy. This elicited from Petherton:-- SIR,--As my parrot has now been in your possession for several days it is more than possible that it has acquired a taste for strong language. It certainly was a model of propriety before it strayed on to your premises. Unless the bird is back in my possession before the 29th inst. I shall instruct my solicitors to serve a writ upon yours, without further warning or intimation of any kind, as I consider your behaviour most unwarrantable, though characteristic. Fflly. yours, FREDK. PETHERTON. I sent the bird back the next morning, the 28th, with a note:--