A German scientist has expressed the opinion that the product obtained by mixing chaff or finely-chopped straw with pig's blood scarcely deserves to be called bread. It is, however, expected that the German trader, ever resourceful, will get over this little difficulty by calling it cake and charging a little more for it. *** A Dublin office boy, returning to his employment after a fortnight's absence, informed his employer that he had been fighting and a prisoner; whereas, of course, in similar circumstances an English lad would have contented himself with explaining that he had merely been taking the letters to the post. *** The sports programme to be contested at Blackheath on May 20th will include various events open to attested men. We wish the management could have seen their way to include a Consolation Sack Race (with water hazards) for Conscientious Objectors. * * * * * THE ENEMY WITHIN OUR GATES. We know him under many a name (His odour's always much the same)-- The type that gives the warm and woolly mitten To every cause in which a free Briton may prove his right to be Pro-anything-on-earth-excepting-Britain. When from the trenches came the call, "Make good the gaps in England's wall!" He loathed to take our shirkers and enlist 'em; Content to pay the deadliest price Sooner than have to sacrifice His passion for a voluntary system. Not on our soldiers facing death Under the poison's foetid breath His dear solicitude expends its labours; He saves his sympathy for those Whose conscience, bleating through their nose, Elects to leave the fighting to their neighbours. And witness Ireland, where our best, Eager to serve a higher quest And in the Great Cause know the joy of battle, Gallant and young, by traitor hands Leagued with a foe from alien lands, Struck down in cold blood fell like butchered cattle;-- Not for their fate his bosom bleeds, But theirs who wrought the rebel deeds, For them his soul reserves its chief obsession; The murdered he can soon forget, But, if the murderers pay their debt, He fears it might create a bad impression! And in that hell of hidden fire, Whose brave conductors so inspire With native pride the maw of Mr. DILLON, A bloody tragedy he finds Of which, to all instructed minds, England (as usual) is the leading villain. O. S. * * * * * UNWRITTEN LETTERS TO THE KAISER. No. XXXIX. (_From_ JAMES J. SALTONTALE, _of New York City_.)