Then, there can be living pictures of yourself, in all kinds of uniforms, deciding reluctantly to issue an ultimatum, or packing your valise for the Front, or leading two millions of men in a charge and bringing back four millions of prisoners or setting an example to your people by eating War-bread by the crumb. And then you can wind up the evening's entertainment by showing yourself making a speech in which you bring in that bit about the good old German God who has always been your ally. And then the audience will stream out very devoutly, and all of them will shake you by the hand and say they're pleased to meet you. I tell you, WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN, it will be great, and the dollars will come pouring in. Leave it all to me, and I'll guarantee a success that'll make you grateful to me for ever. If we could only get Uncle FRANCIS JOSEPH to join--but no; that might distract attention from you, and it's you I'm banking on. All I ask is a miserable twenty per cent. on the profits. Is it a bargain? Yours, _JAMES J. S._ * * * * * A Vicarious Embrace. "Taking the star and ribbon from the hand of an aide-de-camp, General Mahon placed the latter round the neck of the French General."--_Balkan News_. "A lady wishes to recommend her lady-nurse who has lived with her for 14 years, to take entire charge of a boy; not under 31." _Morning Post._ Will the "Old Boys" Battalion please note? * * * * * Our unparliamentary correspondent states that the Daylight-Saving Scheme had a narrow escape. The _Daily Mail_ could not for some time see its way to sanction a proposal under which on the first day (new style) the actual number of hours would be twenty-three--the total of the Cabinet. * * * * * "Bucks Vllge.--Fur villa to let. 3 mths."--_Daily Mail_. Personally, when we take a Fur Villa, we object to even three moths being left on the premises. * * * * * [Illustration: UNDER GOVERNMENT PATRONAGE. RACING MAN. "THAT DON'T APPLY TO US. AS RUNCIMAN SAYS, WE'RE DOING OUR BIT FOR THE COUNTRY."] * * * * * THE VESTY DEEP. Which is the most valuable--life, comfort or self-respect? A little while ago I should have said, without a moment's hesitation, life. But now---- To begin at the beginning, let me say that before the _Sussex_ was torpedoed by the Quixotic Hun I had decided to go to France. Then came that tragedy, and as a result letters from friends and the relatives whose affection I still retain, urging first that the French enterprise should be abandoned altogether, and, second, that, if not, a life-preserving device should be instantly obtained. Advertisements cut from newspapers accompanied some of these letters containing testimonials in favour of this belt and that.