A Belfast man who was fined for groaning at Mr. ASQUITH is understood to have informed a sympathetic friend that if he'd known that ten shillings was all he would be fined, begorra, he'd have had thirty-shillings' worth, so he would. * * * "To get and keep an upright carriage," says a woman-writer in _The Daily Mail_, "stand with the feet eighteen inches apart and the hands clasped above the head. Now, as if chopping wood, swing the hands down between the parted feet, then bring them up over the head again, and repeat the movement twenty times or so." Personally, as we consider it bad form to keep any sort of carriage just now, we shall remain faithful to the less spectacular custom of whistling for a taxi. * * * From the Personal column of _The Times_:--"Airman will bring down Zeppelins. Ladies, Gentlemen." An excellent idea in the present condition of our own Air Service. As in the well-known case of the male and female gondolas, one of each gender to breed from would do for a beginning. * * * As a war economy the London County Council have disposed of the major part of the waterfowl that used to adorn the London Parks. A few ornamental geese however are still to be seen in the neighbourhood of the War Office. * * * We feel bound to take exception to the levity of a contemporary, which recently introduced an account of a suicide with the heading: "A Riverside Scream." * * * A well-known opera-singer is now hauling cabbages on a farm. The ruling passion strong in War. Bouquets all the time. * * * * * Commercial Candour. From a film advertisement:-- "THE GIRL OF LOST ISLAND.--Featuring LILLIAN LORRAINE in a Picturesque Role. There are twelve chapters. I have seen them all, because I was compelled to do so." _Newcastle Evening Chronicle._ * * * * * "Livers are being lost on the banks of the Yser." _Egyptian Mail._ An Anglo-Indian Colonel tells us that he was so glad to part with his that he hasn't taken any steps to recover it. * * * * * "St. Paul knew what he was talking about when he said to Herod, 'Too much thinking has made thee mad.'" _Letter in an Evening Paper._ That is where St. PAUL had an advantage over the correspondent. * * * * * More Impending Apologies. "Sir A. A. Booth is chairman of the committee appointed by the Government to inquire into the future of shipping and shipbuilding. It is not intended to be an ornamental committee either, for Sir A. Denny and Professor Abell, two of our leading naval architects, are on it."--_Evening Paper._ * * * * * The Kaiser and the Daylight Saving Bill. "For our bad neighbour makes us early stirrers, Which is both healthful, and good husbandry." _Shakspeare's Henry_ V., Act IV. Sc. I. 6-7. * * * * *