Oft have I wondered as my weapon's edge Disintegrated solid chunks of greenery, Or as my pillule flew the bounding hedge Into outlying sections of the scenery, What moral value might accrue From billiards played beneath the blue. Little I fancied when I topped the sphere And on its candour left a coarse impression, Or in the bed of some revolting mere Mislaid three virgin globes in swift succession, That I was learning how to grip The rudiments of statesmanship. Yet so it was. I schooled myself to gaze Upon the object with a firmly glued eye, And, though I moved by strange and devious ways, To keep in view the goal, or _finis ludi_, And ever let my language be The language of diplomacy. Thus BALFOUR learned the politician's game, And thus LLOYD GEORGE was trained to be a Premier; Thence many a leader who has leapt to fame Got self-control, grew harder, tougher, phlegmier, Reared in the virtues which prevail At Walton Heath and Sunningdale. Golf being then the source of so much good, I own my conscience suffers certain wrenches Recalling how the links of Chorley Wood Have seen me on the Sabbath carving trenches, Where Tommies might be taught to pitch The deadly bomb from ditch to ditch. For I reflect that my intruding spade, That blocked the foursome and debarred the single, May well have cheeked some statesman yet unmade, Some budding HOGGE, some mute inglorious PRINGLE; And that is why my shovel shrinks From excavating other links. O.S. * * * * * "In reply to your valued inquiry, we enclose illustration of Dining Tables of Oak seating fourteen people with round legs and twelve people with square legs, with prices attached. Hoping to have your order."-- _The Huntly Express._ Mr. Punch is now engaged upon an exhaustive examination of the extremities of his staff before deciding whether to replace his existing Round Table. * * * * * "BRITISH PRESS BACK HUN REARGUARDS."--_Newspaper headline._ Happily it is only a small section of the British Press that adopts this unpatriotic attitude. * * * * * SHAKSPEARE on the FOOD CONTROLLER:-- "No man's pie is free'd From his ambitious finger."--_Henry VIII., Act I. Scene I._ * * * * * HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. _(The GERMAN CROWN PRINCE and Marshal HINDENBURG)._ _Hindenburg._ So your Royal Highness proposes to leave us again?