_To the Ex-PREMIER, now in very active retirement._ ASQUITH, till recently our honoured head-- _To a prominent K.C. who has become First Lord of the Admiralty._ CARSON, who latterly hast taken salt-- _To an Ex-Minister for Foreign Affairs, on a bed of sickness._ GREY, who wouldst Represent Proportionally-- _To a Second-in-Command._ BONAR, who speakest for the absent GEORGE-- _To the PRIME MINISTER, on a notable innovation._ GEORGE, who receivest Yankee journalists-- _To the KAISER._ WILHELM, who dost thy damnedst every day-- _To the CROWN PRINCE._ Namesake of mine, but O how different! _To an Ex-Colonel._ WINSTON, whose fighting days, alas! seem o'er-- _To an assiduous Watcher of the literary skies._ SHORTER, who tellest readers what to think-- I then essayed two lines:-- _To an Incorrigible Wag._ SHAW, who, in khaki, with that gingery beard, Joyous and independent scann'dst the Front-- With this effort I fell asleep. * * * * * DAWN OF HUMOUR IN SCOTLAND. "Summer time begins at 2 a.m. on Sunday morning. Clocks should be put back an hour on Saturday night."--_Ross-shire Journal._ * * * * * THE SECRET OF LONGEVITY. "The death occurred on Friday of Mr. ----, at the age of 94. Deceased had liver through the reigns of George IV., William IV., Victoria, Edward VII."--_Provincial Paper._ * * * * * From a picture-dealer's advertisement:-- "Corot got originally 500 francs for his painting of 'The Angelus,' which ultimately brought 800,000 francs."--_The British Magazine_ (_Buenos Aires_). Poor MILLET, it appears, got nothing. * * * * * WEIGHED IN THE BALANCE. PART I. Angelo Armstrong was a man of thirty. He had no capital, but by dint of honest and meritorious toil he found himself eventually earning a moderate salary as clerk in a London Insurance Office. He had been rejected for the Army on account of a defective knee-cap. Outside his work his tastes lay in the direction of botany and bibliomancy, which latter, according to the dictionary, is "Divination performed by selecting passages of Scripture at hazard." He also indulged in good works and was President of the Society for the Preservation of the Spiritual Welfare of the Deputy Harbour Masters at our English Seaports. Thus he was worthy of the name of Angelo by which his mother had insisted that he should be christened, after seeing a picture of the famous historical incident of "_Non Angli sed Angeli_." Strangely enough he had never yet come under the influence of love. The three diversions given above had filled his spare hours, and woman was to him a sealed book. One morning he found a letter on his breakfast-table from an old family friend; it read as follows:-- "_Ton Repos," Woking_, _December 11th, 1916_.