"The _Berliner Tageblatt's_ correspondent states that the ground at St. Pierre Vaast has been converted into a marsh in which half-frozen soldiers, wet to the skin and knee-deep in mud, absorb the shells." _New Zealand Paper._ * * * * * "The dispute, he claimed, was not started by the employees, but by the employer making sweeping reductions in the ages of the men." _Daily Paper._ If he wants to do this sort of thing with impunity he should employ women. * * * * * A FOOD PROBLEM. DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Please _do_ tell me. Must I count sausages under the meat or the bread allowance? I do so want to help my country _faithfully_. Yours, WORRIED HOUSEWIFE. * * * * * "REWARD 2s. 6d. Lost, a small Silver Toothpick, value sentimental." _Nottingham Evening Post._ The latest thing in love-tokens. * * * * * "After a debate lasting three days, the Senate rejected the motion approving Mr. Wilson's Nose."--_The Bulletin (Lahore)._ The Senate has since shown its impartiality by registering its profound disapproval of the KAISER'S Cheek. * * * * * "A special constable has received the Silver Medal of the Society for Protection of Life from fire for his gallantry in mounting a ladder at a local fire last May and rescuing a cook."--_Daily Paper._ It is understood that members of the regular "force" consider that he showed some presumption in not leaving this particular task to them. * * * * * [Illustration: BLIGHTED PROSPECTS. BERNSTORFF (_bitterly_). "PRETTY MESS YOU'VE MADE OF IT WITH YOUR NEW FRIGHTFULNESS. I'VE LOST MY JOB!" HINDENBURG (_also bitterly_). "WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME TO MINE."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Dug-out_ (_who has been put off on the last three greens by his caddie sneezing, and has now foozled his putt again_). "CONFOUND YOU! WHY DIDN'T YOU SNEEZE? I WAS COUNTING ON IT."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.