An old fish-woman passing by saw this and said, "Well, well, the poor old fellow's gone at last! A decent man in his time, with no taste in fish! We must all come to it." From her the news spread forty miles on either side of her and reached the Editor of _The Curfew_ in the middle of a philippic. Next morning I was astounded to read in his editorial columns: "Our distinguished neighbour and friend--if he will allow us to call him so--is now no more; in other words is gone ... as VIRGIL remarks ... famous antiquarian ... scrupulous and methodical, and, as we remarked in our last issue, reminiscent of the palmy days of the best German monumental scholarship ... our slight differences never affected the esteem in which we held him as a patriot, citizen, ratepayer and Man...." Now this was kindly and fair. I have written to my worthy friend and have proposed to dedicate to him my forthcoming work (non-partisan) on the "Slant Observable in Some Church-Spires, Part I." When he had to unbury me, war had to be resumed--it was his side that insisted upon it--but as far as the two chieftains are concerned it is a war without bitterness. He now introduces his attacks with "Our honoured and able antiquarian friend"; while my answers breathe such sentiments as "The genial editor of that well-conducted organ." * * * * * [Illustration: FOOD VALUES IN OUR RESTAURANTS. _Customer._ "WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST FOR TO-DAY, MISS?" _Waitress_ (_late of Girton_). "WELL, SIR, ROAST MUTTON, TWO VEGETABLES AND SWEETS WILL GIVE YOU THE NECESSARY PROTEIN, CALORIES AND CARBO-HYDRATES."] * * * * * AS YOU WERE. "Blow to Narkets. Rise of nearly 400 points. Cotton jump. Germany's note breaks the market." _Liverpool Echo, Feb. 1._ "Blow to Markets. Fall of nearly 400 points. Cotton slump." _Same Paper, Later Edition._ In spite of this sensational transformation of a jump into a slump we are glad to see that typographically at any rate the markets had recovered a little from their early derangement. * * * * * "Supposing a man has porridge and bacon for breakfast and a cut from the point or a shop or steak for luncheon he may find that he has consumed his meat allowance for the day." _Daily Mail_ (_Manchester Edition_). Is not the food problem sufficiently difficult already without these additional complications? The man who wants a whole shop for his luncheon will get no sympathy from us. * * * * * From a list of Canon MASTERMAN'S lectures on "The War and the Smaller Nations of Europe":-- "April 2nd (possibly), 'The Reconstruction of Europe.'"--_Western Morning News._ We commend the lecturer's caution, but hope it will prove to have been superfluous. * * * * *