_Tommy_ (_by roadside_). "OUT ON THE SPREE AGAIN? GOING TO THE PICTURES?" _Highlander_. "NO. WE'RE AWA' TO SEE YOUR LOT CHANGE GUARD."] * * * * * "_The Motor Cycle_ says over 165,000 magnates have been made in Britain for war purposes."--_Provincial Paper_. And the New Year Honours List (political services) has yet to appear. * * * * * "We owed all this more to our splendid navy and its silent virgil than to anything else."--_Provincial Paper_. We suppose the CENSOR won't let him narrate the epic exploits of the Fleet, but he might have allowed him a capital initial. * * * * * "Surbiton residents have supplied for British prisoners in Germany 800 waistcoats made from 2,100 old kid gloves." _Manchester Evening News_. A notable instance of large-handed generosity. * * * * * SIX VILE VERBS. (_To the makers of journalese, and others, from a fastidious reader._) When I see on a poster A programme which "features" CHARLIE CHAPLIN and other Delectable creatures, I feel just as if Someone hit me a slam Or a strenuous biff On the mid diaphragm. When I read in a story, Though void of offences, That somebody "glimpses" Or somebody "senses," The chord that is struck Fills my bosom with ire, And I'm ready to chuck The whole book in the fire. When against any writer It's urged that he "stresses" His points, or that something His fancy "obsesses," In awarding his blame Though the critic be right, Yet I feel all the same I could shoot him at sight. But (worst of these horrors) Whenever I read That somebody "voices" A national need, As the Bulgars and Greeks Are abhorred by the Serb, So I feel toward the freaks Who employ this vile verb. * * * * * "Some of the public men of Rawmarsh have high ambitions for their township, and at the Council meeting on Wednesday there was considerable industrial developments immediately after the war." _Botherham Advertiser_. Happy Rawmarsh! In our part of the country it is not over yet. * * * * * "NAVY Pram. for Sale, good condition." _Provincial Paper_. Just the thing to prepare baby for being "rocked in the cradle of the deep." * * * * * THE SUPER-CHAR. SCENE.--_A square in Kensington. At every other door is seen the lady of the house at work with pail, broom, scrubbing-brush, rags, metal-polish, etc._ _Chorus of Ladies._