_Super-Char_. 'Old on! Let's get to business, and no kidding! I'm up for auction; 'oo will start the bidding? _First Lady. _I want a charlady from ten to four, To cook the lunch and scrub the basement floor. _Super-Char. _Cook? Scrub? Thanks! Nothink doin'! Next, please! You, Mum, What are the dooties you would 'ave me do, Mum? _Second Lady_. I want a lady who will kindly call And help me dust the dining-room and hall; At tea, if need be, bring an extra cup, And sometimes do a little washing up. _Super-Char_. A little bit of dusting I might lump, But washing up--it gives me fair the 'ump! Next, please! _Third Lady_. My foremost thought would always be The comfort of the lady helping me. We have a cask of beer that's solely for Your use--we are teetotal for the War. I am a cook of more than moderate skill; I'll gladly cook whatever dish you will-- Soups, entrées. _Super-Char_. Now you're talkin'! That's some sense! So kindly let me 'ave your reference, And if I finds it satisfact'ry, Mum, Why, s'elp me, I 'ave arf a mind to come. _Third Lady_. My last good lady left six months ago Because she said I'd singed the _soufflé_ so; She gave me no address to write to-- _Super-Char_. What! You've got no reference? _Third Lady_. Alas, I've not! _Super-Char_. Of course I could not dream of taking you Without one, so there's nothing more to do. These women--'ow they spoil one's temper! Pah! Hi! (_she hails a passing taxi_) Drive me to the nearest cinema. [_She steps into the taxi and is whirled off._ _Chorus of Ladies._ Not yet the consolation Of manicure and cream; Not yet the barber dresses Our dusty tousled tresses; The thought of titivation Is still a distant dream; Not yet the consolation Of manicure and cream. Still, still, with vim and vigour, 'Tis ours to scour and scrub; With rag and metal polish The dirt we must demolish; Still, still, with toil-bowed figure, Among the grates we grub; Still, still, with vim and vigour, 'Tis ours to scour and scrub. CURTAIN. * * * * * A TALE OF A COINCIDENCE. "Coincidences," said the ordinary seaman, "are rum things. Now I can tell you of a rum un that happened to me." It said Royal Naval Reserve round his cap, but he looked as if he ought to be wearing gold earrings and a gaudy handkerchief.