[_Porter is obliged by an irritation of the head to remove his cap, but does not speak._ _Lady Traveller_. It's all right. I know the manager of the line, and he would pass it for me. _Her Friend_. Isn't your friend manager of the Great Southern? _Lady Traveller_ (_sharply_). He has a great deal to do with all these railways now. (_To Porter, hopefully, but not very confidently_) That will be all right. _Porter_. Very sorry, mum. It can't be done. _Lady Traveller_. My friend the manager would be very much annoyed at my being stopped like this. Only four pounds, too. Why, it's nothing. [_Porter removes his cap again on account of further irritation._ _Lady Traveller_ (_to her Friend_). I don't know what I'm to do. (_To Porter_) What am I to do? _Porter_ (_deliberately_). You must open it and take somethink out. _Lady Traveller_. I can't open it here. _Porter_ (_ignoring this_). Somethink weighing a bit over four pounds. _Lady Traveller_. But I can't do it here. _Porter_ (_ignoring this_). Pair o' boots or somethink. _Lady Traveller_ (_to her Friend_). He seems to think my boots weigh four pounds. _Her Friend_. Haven't you got two pairs? _Lady Traveller_ (_sourly_). Yes, but two pairs of my boots wouldn't weigh four pounds. _Porter_ (who has been quietly undoing the straps_). Is it locked, mum? _Lady Traveller_ (_producing key and almost in tears_). It's too bad. [_She dives into box and extracts two pairs of boots wrapped in newspapers._ _Porter_ (_taking them and weighing them judiciously in his hands_). That's all right, mum. [_He pushes box on to weighing machine which registers under 100 lbs._ _Lady Traveller_. They're very thick boots, of course. Whatever am I to do with them now? _Her Friend_. We shall have to carry them. [_Takes one parcel._ _Lady Traveller_. Jane shall hear of this. I told her never to use newspaper for packing. _Her Friend_ (_suddenly_). There's Major Merriman. _Lady Traveller_. So it is. Don't let him see us with these dreadful parcels. (_Angrily_) Why don't you turn round? He'll see you. _Major Merriman_. How do you do? _Lady Traveller_ (_in great surprise_). Oh, how do you do, Major Merriman? We've been having such an amusing experience, etc., etc. * * * * * What made Lord Devonport Dizzy. "The following resolution was unanimously passed, and ordered to be sent to the Prime Minister and the Food Controller (Lord Beaconsfield)."--_The Western Gazette_. * * * * * "Lamp-posts and trees and other pedestrians were found with unpleasant and sometimes violent frequency."--_Beckenham Journal_. That's the worst of a fog; landmarks will keep on walking about. * * * * * _À propos_ of the TSAR'S manifesto:-- "The _Retch_, says: 'The order puts the dot on all the "t's."'"--_Provincial Paper_. It is a far, far better thing to dot your "t's" than cross your "i's."