Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, January 24, 1917 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, January 24, 1917Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, January 24, 1917
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
I am told that HORATIUS spoke out pretty plainly to the Senate, expressing
the opinion that three men could easily hold the bridge-head. The gallant
officer, interviewed while he was in the act of tightening his harness,
declined to say much, merely expressing the opinion that everyone has got
to die some time and that there was, after all, some satisfaction in being
killed in a fight against odds. I confess I was favourably impressed by the
very nonchalance of his attitude.
* * * * *
_Stop Press News._
LARTIUS BEAT AUNUS. HERMINIUS BEAT SEIUS. HORATIUS BEAT PICUS.
* * * * *
_From "Hesperus" (Fourth Edition)._
BRIDGE-HEAD STILL HELD.
DEATH OF ASTUR.
UNFORTUNATE MISHAP TO A LICTOR.
* * * * *
_The Secretary to the Senate announces_:
"Latest advices show that HORATIUS has despatched ASTUR, and, though
slightly wounded in this encounter, has been able to keep his place in the
line. The bridge head is still being held and there is now a pause in the
fighting. The total enemy casualties up to the present are estimated at:
_Killed_, 7; _Wounded_, 0; _Missing_, 0. Our own casualties are: _Killed_,
0; _Wounded_, 1; _Missing_, 0. A regrettable incident took place during the
demolition of the bridge, a Lictor having sliced himself with one of his
own axes and being compelled to relinquish his valuable labours."
* * * * *
(_Stop-Press News_.)
HORATIUS CUT OFF.
The bridge has been successfully destroyed shortly after the skilful
withdrawal of LARTIUS and HERMINIUS in the face of the enemy. We greatly
regret to add that HORATIUS is missing, I having failed to make good his
retreat with his comrades, and must be regarded as lost.--(_Official_.)
* * * * *
_From "Hesperus" (Special Home Edition)._
HORATIUS SAFE.
HOW HE SWAM THE RIVER.
(_By our Special Correspondent._)
HORATIUS, the only one of the "dauntless three" (as they have been already
named) about whose safety doubts were entertained, has swum the river and
is safe. I saw him, when the bridge fell, standing alone, but obviously
with all his wits about him, despite the ninety thousand foes before and
the broad flood behind. When he turned round he might have seen, I believe,
from where he was standing (just where, on other occasions, I have stood
myself) the white porch of his home. His lips parted as if in prayer. The
next moment, pausing only to sheathe his ensanguined sword, he took a
graceful dive into the river.
Some moments of terrible tension ensued. When at last his head appeared
above the surges, a cry of indescribable rapture went up, and I am happy to
place on record the fact that I distinctly detected a note of generous
cheering from the Tuscan ranks.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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