Nine Elms in a ring: In One I saw a Robin swing, In Two a Peacock spread his tail, In Three I heard the Nightingale, In Four a White Owl hid with craft, In Five a Green Woodpecker laughed, In Six a Wood-dove croodled low, In Seven lived a quarrelling Crow, In Eight a million Starlings flew, In Nine a Cuckoo said, "Cuckoo!" * * * * * "On Sale, 2,300 Oak barrels; edible: offers wanted."--_Manchester Evening News_. Are these the first-fruits of the new Food Control? * * * * * From battalion orders:-- "Men transferred from Command Depôt will be fed up to the day of departure." Even commanding officers occasionally have a glimpse of the obvious. * * * * * "In expressing regret that we had dropped the word 'culture' out of our vocabulary because of Germany, the Archdeacon of Middlesex gave the following definitions:-- 'Kultur'--Had for 'Culture.'--A word its god the State, and which describes a was practically spirit of sympathy materialism, the result with all that is beaubeing simply mechanitiful, true, honest, cal efficiency, and pure."--_Liverpool Echo_. Even now it is not very clear. * * * * * [Illustration: _Jan_ (_repeating the Question for the tenth time in two hours_). "'AST SEEN OLD FURRIT THAT SOIDE, JARGE?" _Jarge_ (_answering the question for the tenth time in two hours_). "NOA. AIN'T YOU SEEN UN YOUR SOIDE?" _Jan_. "NOA. DIDST PUT UN IN THY SOIDE?" _Jarge_. "NOA. DID THEE NOT PUT UN IN THAT SOIDE?" _Jan_. "NOA." _Jarge_. "THEN I RECKON HE MUN BE IN THA BOX."] * * * * * CHOKING THEM OFF. It is reported that, should the measures recently adopted by the railway companies with a view to "discourage unnecessary travelling" prove insufficient, other expedients, of a more stringent character, may be resorted to. By the courtesy of an official we are able to give details of some further innovations that have been suggested. (I.) The Platform Staff at the chief stations will be specially trained to answer all enquiries from civilian passengers in an ambiguous or quasi-humorous manner. Thus detailed instructions are to be issued giving the correct form of reply to such questions as, "Can I take this train to Rugby?" The answer in this case will convey a jocular suggestion that the task is best left to the engine-driver; and others in the same style. In all cases of urgency the formula "Wait and see" to be freely employed for purposes of discouragement. (II.) In the case of exceptionally popular tickets, such as those to Brighton, a strictly limited number of impressions to be struck off, which will be disposed of by public auction to the highest bidder.