_Private_. "LAST MEDICAL BOARD GIVE IT ME, SIR."] * * * * * "Will anyone knowing where to obtain the game of 'Bounce' kindly inform A.T.?"--_Advt. in "The Times."_ "A.T." should address himself to the Imperial Palace at Potsdam. * * * * * AN ELEGY ON CLOSED STATIONS. (_SUGGESTED BY AN OFFICIAL NOTICE OF THE L. & N.W.R._) The whole vicinity of Hooley Hill Is smitten with a devastating chill, And the once cheerful neighbourhood of Pleck Has got the hump and got it in the neck. The residential gentry of Pont Rug No longer seem self-satisfied or smug, And the distressed inhabitants of Nantlle Are wrapped in discontent as in a mantle. Good folk who Halted once at Apsley Guise Are now afflicted with a sad surprise, While Oddington, another famous Halt, Is silent as a sad funereal vault; And the dejected denizens of Cheadle Look one and all as if they'd got the needle. * * * * * AN UNFORTUNATE JUXTAPOSITION. "Dr. ---- has RESUMED PRACTICE. ---- AND ----, UNDERTAKERS." _West Australian_. * * * * * CHARIVARIA. According to President WILSON Germany also claims to be fighting for the freedom of the smaller nations. Her known anxiety to free the small nations of South America from the fetters of the Monroe Doctrine has impressed the PRESIDENT with the correctness of this claim. *** Unfortunately Count REVENTLOW has gone and given away the secret that Germany does not care a rap for the rights of the little nations. It is this kind of blundering that sours your transatlantic diplomatist. *** General JOFFRE has been made a Marshal of France. While falling short of the absolute omnipotence of London's Provost-Marshal the position is not without a certain dignity. *** The announcement that the Queen of HUNGARY's coronation robe is to cost over £2,000 has had a distinctly unpleasant effect upon the German people, who are wondering indignantly how Belgium is to be indemnified if such extravagance is permitted to continue. *** It is stated that as the result of the drastic changes in our railway service the publication of _Bradshaw's Guide_ may be delayed. At a time when it is of vital importance to keep up the spirits of the nation the absence of one of our best known humorous publications will be sorely felt. *** The failure of King CONSTANTINE to join with other neutrals in urging peace on the belligerents must not be taken as indicating that he is out of sympathy with the German effort. *** The County Council has after mature deliberation decided to set aside ten acres of waste land for cultivation by allotment holders. It is this ability to think in huge figures that distinguishes the municipal from the purely individual patriot. ***