Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, January 31, 1917 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, January 31, 1917Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, January 31, 1917
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
But what hurt us most was the way them kids took against us. Me and Jim is
fond of kids, and we wanted to make friends and play with 'em, but it
weren't no good. They was always puttin' their tongues out at us when Mrs.
Dawkins' back was turned and talkin' loud to one another: "I say, Sammy, I
'ates soldiers, don't you? Soldiers is greedy; poor little children don't
have nothink where soldiers is. Daddy 'ates soldiers too. He says his 'ome
is a 'ell since the soldiers come. 'Ere they are walkin' down the street.
Quick, Billy! Mother ain't lookin'; turn yer nose up at 'em same as me."
To make up for her kindness to us Jim and me tried to do little odd jobs
about the house for Mrs. Dawkins, but somehow it all turned to wormwood. We
slipped out early one Sunday morning and begun siftin' the cinders in the
backyard, but she caught sight of us and 'ollered so at Dawkins she woke up
all the neighbours: "How can you lay there snorin', you great lazy
good-for-nothing, and look on while the defenders of your country is
wearin' themselves out 'siftin' your cinders?"
Dawkins tumbled off the mangle, thinkin' it was a fire, and he swore
terrible at me and Jim.
The young man lodger took against us too. When his washin' was on the line
we couldn't help noticin' he was very bad off for underclothes, and Jim and
me, havin' more shirts and socks that kind ladies had give us than we
knowed how' to wear, we took the liberty of wrappin' three of each in paper
with a label, "Hopin' no offence," and puttin' it in the chicken-'ouse
where he was in the habit of doin' his hair. We was pleased to notice next
day he had got one of the shirts on. Of course we made no remark; no more
did he. But at supper-time Mrs. Dawkins caught sight of his cuffs. She took
the poor feller by the collar and we was afraid she would have shook the
life out of him.
"You thievin' rascal!" she said. "To think I should 'arbour in my house a
man as ain't ashamed to rob the defenders of his country of the shirts off
their backs!" Then she begun callin' for the police.
Jim and me tried to explain, but it weren't no use. The first chance he had
the young man lodger got out through the door. He come back in half a
minute with his feet bare and his weskit all anyhow. The shirts and socks
was under his arm.
"Damn you and yer clothes!" he said, and flung 'em at me and Jim. It were
very disheartenin'.
When it come to leavin' we felt we ought to show our gratitude for the
treatment we had received by makin' Mrs. Dawkins a little present. Bein' of
an uncommon disposition it were difficult to choose what would please her.
I were in favour of a pink shawl; but Jim didn't seem to fancy givin'
anybody any more clothes. In the end we chose a pair of earrings.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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