The _Punch_ man, passing on to the office of _The Times_, craved permission to see the Editor, through smoked glass if necessary. Having complied with a thousand formalities he was at last ushered into the presence. The great man was engaged in selecting the various types in which to-morrow's letters were to be set up--big for the whales and minion for the minnows. "I can give you just two minutes," he said, without looking up. "These are strenuous ti----, I should say days. Self-advertisement we leave to the lower branches of the family." "All I want to know," said the _Punch_ man, "is what is your idea of God? The feeling is very general that God should be more clearly defined and, if possible, personified. One of your own Republican correspondents, who not only got large type but a nasty leader, has said so. How do you yourself view Him?" "I have a god of my own," said the Editor, watch in hand, "and I see him very distinctly. Powerfully built, with a boyish face and a wealth of fairish hair over one side of the noble brow. Aloof but vigilant. Restive but determined. Quick to praise but quicker to blame. Adaptive, volcanic, relentless and terribly immanent--terribly. That is my god. A king, no doubt, but"--here he sighed--"by no means invisible. Good day." Nothing but the absence of Mr. FRANK HARRIS in what is not only his spiritual but his actual home, America, prevents the publication of his definitive and epoch-making views on this suggestive theme. Meanwhile things go on much as usual. * * * * * [Illustration: _Officer_ (_superintending party that is trying to extinguish a fire at French farm_). "GOOD HEAVENS, CORPORAL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?" _Irish Corporal_. "I'M WATCHIN' THE STRAW DOESN'T CATCH A-FIRE, SOR." _Officer_. "WELL, TAKE CARE. IS IT AN EASY PLACE TO GET OUT OF?" _Corporal_. "IT IS THAT. YOU MIGHT GO THROUGH THE FLOOR ANNYWHERE, SOR."] * * * * * MORE SUBSTITUTION. From a Stores circular:-- "Members who like a very delicately Smoked Bacon or Ham will appreciate the valuable new line recently added to our Stock, namely;-- ---- MILD CURED SALMON." * * * * * "From Switzerland comes a report of a noiseless machine gun, operated by electricity."--_Yorkshire Evening Post_. Another invention gone wrong. * * * * * NEW LIGHTS ON ANCIENT HISTORY. "Senor Aladro Castriota, the wealthy wine merchant of Xerxes."--_Daily News_. HERODOTUS omits this detail. * * * * * "Mrs. ---- thoroughly recommends her Russian Nursery Governess; speaks fluent French, German; will answer any question."--_Daily Paper_. There are a lot of questions we should like to ask her about Russia. * * * * *