In a recent message to General LUDENDORFF, the KAISER refers to the German defence as being "mainly in your hands." And only last April they were professing to find it in HINDENBURG'S feet. *** It is not yet compulsory under the new Order, but as a precaution it is advisable for the owner of a cheese to have his full name and address written on the collar. *** The gentleman who advertised last week in a contemporary the loss of two pet dogs will be greatly interested in a little book just published, entitled _How to Keep Dogs_. *** "It is the most extraordinary case I ever heard of," said the Chairman of the Middlesex Appeal Tribunal, in the case of a one-eyed man passed for general service. The case is not unique, however, for a one-eyed man named NELSON is recorded as having seen some general service in the early part of the nineteenth century. *** Brazil has entered the War and Germany is now able to shoot in almost any direction without any appreciable risk of hitting a friend. *** A five-months-old boy having been called up at Hull, the mother took the baby to the recruiting office, where we are told the military were satisfied that a mistake had been made. *** The author of an article in _The Daily Mail_ stated recently that nine readers of that paper had sent him poems. This of course is only to be expected of a newspaper which advocates reprisals. *** According to the _Vossische Zeitung_ washing soap is unobtainable in Berlin. Even eating soap, it is rumoured, can be obtained only at prohibitive prices. *** Before the Law Society Tribunal, Mr. JACOB EPSTEIN, the sculptor, was stated to have passed the medical test. On the other hand Mr. EPSTEIN'S Venus is still regarded as medically unfit. *** A Devon lady who has just celebrated her one hundredth birthday declares that to drink plenty of water daily is the secret of good health. This is a great triumph for the milk trade. * * * * * [Illustration: _Curate_ (_to old parishioner troubled with insomnia_). "HAVE YOU TRIED COUNTING SHEEP JUMPING OVER A STILE?" _Old Lady_. "AH, THAT'S WORSE THAN USELESS, SIR. IT SETS ME WORRYIN' ABOUT THEM BUTCHERS WITH THEIR ONE-AND-TEN-PENCE A POUND FOR MUTTON."] * * * * * THE BEST GAME THE FAIRIES PLAY. The best game the fairies play, The best game of all, Is sliding down steeples-- You know they're very tall. You fly to the weathercock And when you hear it crow You fold your wings and clutch your things, And then you let go! They have a million other games; Cloud-catching's one; And mud-mixing after rain Is heaps and heaps of fun; But when you go and stay with them Never mind the rest; Take my advice--they're very nice, But steeple-sliding's best! * * * * * "Home wanted for tabby Persian Cat, 3 years old (neutral)."--_Scotch Paper_.