[Illustration: _National Service Volunteer_ (_late crack billiard player_). "MARKER, HAND ME THE REST."] * * * * * ="IN PRIZE."= A ship was built in Glasgow, and oh, she looked a daisy (Just the way that some ships do!) An' the only thing against 'er was she allus steered so crazy (An' it's true, my Johnny Bowline, true!) They sent 'er out in ballast to Oregon for lumber, An' before she dropped 'er pilot she all but lost 'er number. They sold 'er into Norway because she steered so funny, An' she nearly went to glory before they drawed the money. They sold 'er out o' Norway--they sold 'er into Chile, An' Chile got a bargain because she steered so silly. They chartered 'er to Germans with a bunch o' greasers forrard; Old shellbacks wouldn't touch 'er because she steered so 'orrid. She set a course for Bremen with contraband inside 'er, An' she might 'ave got there some time if a cruiser 'adn't spied 'er. She nearly drowned the boarders because she cut such capers, But they found she was a German through inspectin' of 'er papers. So they put a crew aboard 'er, which was both right an' lawful, An' the prize crew 'ad a picnic, because she steered so awful. But they brought 'er into Kirkwall, an' then they said, "Lord lumme, If I ever see an 'ooker as steered so kind o' rummy!" But she'll fetch 'er price at auction, for oh, she looks a daisy (Just the way that some ships do!) An' the chap as tops the biddin' won't know she steers so crazy (But it's true, my Johnny Bowline, true!) C.F.S. =TO MR. BALFOUR ON HIS RETURN.= Our hearts go out with all our ships that plough the deadly sea, But the ship that brought us safely back the only ARTHUR B. Was freighted with good wishes in a very high degree. There are heaps of politicians who can hustle and can shriek, And some, though very strong in lung, in brains are very weak, But A.J.B.'s equipment is admittedly unique. His manners are delightful, and the workings of his mind Have never shown the slightest trace of self-esteem behind; Nor has he had at any time a private axe to grind. For forty years and upwards he has graced the public scene Without becoming sterilized or stiffened by routine; He still retains his freshness and his brain is just as keen. His credit was not shipwrecked on the fatal Irish reef; He has always been a loyal and a sympathetic chief; And he has also written _The Foundations of Belief_. As leader of the Mission to our cousins and Allies, We learn with satisfaction, but without the least surprise, That he proved the very cynosure of Transatlantic eyes. For the special brand of statesman _plus_ aristocratic sage, Like the model king-philosopher described in PLATO'S page, Is uncommonly attractive in a democratic age.