_Mueller._ It is to become mad. Why did we ever let the ALL-HIGHEST MAJESTY begin such a war? We were all so comfortable, and then suddenly the Austrian ARCHDUKE gets himself murdered and, piff-paff, we Germans must go to war against Russia and France and England. I am very sorry for the ARCHDUKE, but there were other Archdukes to supply his place, and even if there had not been I do not think he himself was worth the four millions of killed, wounded and prisoners whom we have lost since the guns began to go off. _Schultze._ It is terrible to think of. And the sausages get worse and worse, and the beer costs more and more and is not like beer at all. _Mueller._ And the English have good guns and plenty of them, and know colossally well how to use them; and they have millions of men--more than we have; and their soldiers are brave--almost as brave as our own soldiers. They have certainly won some victories, it seems. _Schultze._ So it seems; but our Generals have not told us much about it. _Mueller._ And we all thought they had only a contemptible little army. _Schultze._ Yes, that was what the ALL-HIGHEST said. _Mueller._ The ALL-HIGHEST has also said several times that our soldiers would be back in their homes before the leaves fell from the trees, and here are you and I doomed to go away from our homes in the third year of the war. It would be better, I think, if the ALL-HIGHEST did not always speak so much and tried honestly to bring us a good solid peace. _Schultze_ (_with a deep sigh_). Peace? I do not think we shall ever have peace again. And the winning of victories seems to push it always further away from us. At that rate what is the use of victories? _Mueller._ Then you don't believe that the U-boats can starve England into surrender? _Schultze._ Certainly I don't. Do you know anyone that does believe in that fairy story? All that the U-boats have really effected up to the present has been to bring in America on the side of our enemies. _Mueller._ That doesn't matter. The Americans have no army. _Schultze._ Wasn't that what we said about the English? You yourself said it as loudly as anyone else at the beginning. _Mueller._ The fact is this War has gone on too long. A war for six weeks, that one can endure; but when it goes on for years-- _Schultze._ Yes, that is not so pleasant, though the KAISER is always talking about hacking through and having an iron fist and being a wall of steel and other things of that sort. _Mueller._ Oh, he! I'm tired to death of his speeches and his prancing about. Again I say I don't care who hears me. We have done enough for glory; isn't there something we can do for peace? _Schultze._ No, nothing--and you know it. It is more likely we shall end in prison if we talk like this. * * * * * [Illustration: "I WARN YOU, SIR! THE DISCOURTESY OF THIS BANK IS BEYOND ALL LIMITS. ONE WORD MORE AND I--I WITHDRAW MY OVERDRAFT."]