["How long the conflict may last lies in God's hand; it is not our business to ask questions about it.... It is not the Prussian way to praise oneself.... It is now a matter of holding out, however long it lasts."--_Extract from Speech by the KAISER, delivered near Arras._] I fear that Father's lost his nerve. As I peruse his last oration I seem to miss the good old _verve_, The tone of lofty exaltation, The swelling note of triumph (_Sieg_) That often carried half a league. The drum on whose resounding hide He brought to bear such weight and gristle Has now been scrapped and laid aside In favour of the penny whistle, On which he plays so very small You hardly hear the thing at all. No more we mark the clarion shout-- "Go where the winds of victory whirl you!" His eagle organ, petering out, Whines like a sick and muted curlew; A plaintive dirge supplants the paean That used to rock the empyrean. Poor Father must have changed a lot. He had a habit (now he's shed it) Of patronising "_Unser Gott_," And going shares in all the credit; To-day he wears a humbler air, And leaves to Heaven the whole affair. He's modified his sanguine view About the foes he meant to batter; He talks no more of barging through; He frankly owns it's just a matter Of hanging on and sitting tight, Possibly through the _Ewigkeit_. "I never speak in boastful vein; No Prussian does," he tells the Army. It really looks as if his brain Is going "gugga," which is barmy; He's done some talking through his hat, But never quite such tosh as that. How to correct the sad decline Which takes this form of futile prattle? That pious feat might yet be mine If I could only win a battle; Cases are known of mental crocks Restored by sharp and staggering shocks. O.S. * * * * * HOT WEATHER CORRESPONDENCE. (_In the manner of various contemporaries._) ANIMAL LABOUR. _Corelli Parade, Stratford-on-Avon._ DEAR SIR,--I seem to have read somewhere of the extreme sagacity and intelligence shown by the baboons of South Africa, some of whom, as well as I remember, are employed as porters and, I think, station-masters on the railways in the interior of Cape Colony. My gardener and coachman having both been called up, it has occurred to me that I might find efficient substitutes for them in these excellent animals. Perhaps you or some of your readers would kindly inform me what it would cost to import two trustworthy baboons, also what would be a fair wage to give them; whether they would come under the provisions of the National Insurance Act, and whether they are vegetarians or carnivorous? Any other information bearing on their tastes and habits would be gratefully received by Yours faithfully, (MRS.) AMANDA BLEEK.