Now, as most of the food that we eat Is wanted for keeping us warm, The requisite quota of heat Is largely a question of form; And the ratio of surface to weight, As anyone readily twigs, Is the root of the point in debate As sagely expounded by SPRIGGS. Hence the more we resemble a sphere Less heat on the surface is lost, And the needful supply, it is clear, Is maintained at less lavish a cost; 'Tis economy, then, to be plump As partridges, puffins or pigs, Who are never a prey to the hump, So at least I interpret my SPRIGGS. Next, the harder it freezes or snows The greater the value of fat, And the larger the appetite grows Of John, Sandy, Taffy and Pat. (Conversely, in Midsummer days, When liquid more freely one swigs, Less viand the appetite stays-- This quatrain's a gloss upon SPRIGGS). For strenuous muscular work A larger allowance of grub We need than is due if we shirk Exertion, and lounge in a pub; For the loafer who rests in a chair Everlastingly puffing at "cigs" Can live pretty nearly on air, So I gather at least from my SPRIGGS. Why children need plentiful food He nextly proceeds to relate: Their capacity's larger than you'd Be disposed to infer from their weight; They're growing in bulk and in height, They're normally active as grigs, And exercise breeds appetite-- This stanza is absolute SPRIGGS. Last of all, with an eloquent plea For porridge at breakfast in place Of the loaf, and for oatcake at tea A similar gap to efface; For potatoless dinners--with rice, For puddings of maize and of figs, Which are filling, nutritious and nice-- Thus ends the Epistle of SPRIGGS. * * * * * [Illustration: _Short-sighted Lady._ "THAT'S RATHER AN AFFECTIONATE COUPLE." _Her Friend._ "THAT'S MY HUSBAND." _Short-sighted Lady._ "OH, I'M SO SORRY." _Her Friend._ "AND I'M SORRY, TOO, FOR I SEE HE'S GOT HIS LIGHT OVERCOAT ON, AND I TOLD HIM NEVER TO WEAR IT WHEN BRINGING HOME THE COALS."] * * * * * "The L.C.C. had decided to grant only L5,300 amongst L21,000 teachers, which would average a shilling a head per week. (Shame!)"--_Daily Paper._ We agree. Why any War bonus at all to such bulging plutocrats? * * * * * "As I watched youths obediently obeying the whistle I wondered what football would be like after the war."--_Daily Paper._ At present it seems rather redundantly redundant. * * * * * [Illustration: _First Lady (an old resident, gushingly)._ "AH, MRS. ROBINSON, I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR NOT HAVING BEEN TO CALL UPON YOU. DO FORGIVE ME AND CONSIDER THIS AS MY CALL, WON'T YOU?" _Mrs. Robinson (a new-comer, sweetly)._ "OH, CERTAINLY; AND YOU WILL CONSIDER IT AS MY RETURN CALL, TOO, WON'T YOU?"] * * * * *