PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 152. March 21st, 1917. CHARIVARIA. There is a convict at Pentonville who is said to be exactly like the KAISER. He feels that in view of the great inconvenience he has suffered it is the KAISER'S duty at once to remove his moustache or grow side whiskers. *** The KAISER is in a bit of a hole. Attending a special service for the success of the War, he is reported to have "sung the _De Profundis_ at the top of his voice." All the rest of him, including the lower part of his voice, seems to have been submerged. *** The revolutionary spirit in Germany seems to have extended to the vegetable kingdom. In a riot at Barmen which occurred recently the chief of police was "seriously wounded" by a turnip. *** The _Berliner Tageblatt_ states that for appearing at a private concert a famous opera singer has been paid in food, including sixty eggs. The custom is not unknown to some of our own music-hall artistes, who however are usually more than content with receiving "the bird." *** According to a _Globe_ report Mr. CHARLES GULLIVER is giving at the Palladium "a programme of real entertainers." Enterprise and originality are always to be commended in a manager. *** A telegram from Mexico City announces that General CARRANZA has been elected President of the Mexican Republic. It is expected that a full list of the casualties will be published shortly. *** A Melbourne despatch states that Mr. HUGHES has been offered thirty-four seats in the forthcoming elections. The Opposition, it is understood, has expressed its willingness to allow Mr. HUGHES to occupy all thirty-four. *** So effective has been the attempt to reduce circulation that we are not surprised to find a provincial paper advertising in _The Daily Telegraph_ for "A Reader." *** "There is no monument more enduring than brass," writes Mr. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, War Correspondent. The general feeling, however, is that there is a kind of brass that is beyond enduring. *** The idea of blaming _Queen Elizabeth_ for the Dardanelles fiasco is so entirely satisfactory to all parties concerned that it is being freely asked why the Commission couldn't have thought of that itself. *** The new order prohibiting newspapers from printing contents bills is bearing hardly in certain quarters, and it is rumoured that at least one sensational contemporary has offered to forgo publishing itself in return for the privilege of selling its posters. *** By order of the General Officer Commanding the London District the Grafton Galleries have been placed out of bounds. Or, as they say in the best War-time dancing circles, out of leaps and bounds. *** [Illustration: PROGRESS.] ***