[Illustration: _Lieutenant ----, R.N., to Lieutenant ----, R.N. (they are paying one of those periodical visits to a lonely island in the South Pacific)._ "THESE WRETCHED ISLANDERS, CUT OFF AS THEY ARE FROM ALL THE WORLD, ARE, I SUPPOSE, HARDLY CIVILISED." _First Wretched Islander to Second Wretched Islander._ "DOES THIS VISIT INTRIGUE YOU?"] * * * * * [Illustration: "AND THE LAST THING MY MISSUS SAID TO ME WAS, 'BRING US 'OME SOME SORT OF AN OLD CURIOSITY FROM FURREN PARTS.'"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Fond Teuton Parent (to super-tar home on leave)._ "AND YOU LIKE YOUR SHIP, FRITZ?" _Fritz._ "I LOVE HER! SHE'S A WONDER! SUCH SPEED! WHENEVER WE RACE BACK TO PORT SHE'S BEEN FIRST EVERY TIME."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Karl._ "WHAT WORRIES ME IS THE FACT THAT WE WANT MORE MEN FOR THE NAVY. WHAT I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS, WHERE ARE THEY TO COME FROM?" _Gretchen._ "BE CALM, KARL. DOUBTLESS OUR GLORIOUS PROFESSORS OF CHEMISTRY WILL INVENT A SUBSTITUTE."] * * * * * [Illustration: THE INFECTIOUS HORNPIPE.] * * * * * [Illustration: THE BREATH OF LIBERTY. THE GERMAN AUTOCRAT. "THEY MAY FIND THIS WIND VERY BRACING IN RUSSIA BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Monday, March 19th._--Captain BATHURST announced that the FOOD CONTROLLER would issue an order fixing the retail price of swedes at a figure involving a reduction of "something like 200 per cent." The FOOD CONTROLLER, as his faithful henchman subsequently remarked, "is always doing his best," but if he can really reduce the price of a commodity to 100 per cent. less than nothing I hope he will not confine his activity to a solitary vegetable. I am afraid that envy was the predominant feeling aroused by Mr. SNOWDEN'S story of the family in New Cavendish Street which secured in a single order from a single firm no less than sixty-three pounds of sugar. Lest any Hon. Members should be tempted to try and do likewise Captain BATHURST promptly announced that another order prohibiting hoarding would shortly be issued. The House cheered, for, as a journalist Member remarked with gloomy satisfaction, "It is only fair that 'no posters' should be followed by 'no hoarding.'" The PRIME MINISTER paid one of his angelic visits to the House to give the latest information of the revolution in Russia. His description of it as "one of the landmarks in the history of the world" evoked loud cheers, but even louder were those which came from the Nationalist benches when he remarked that "free peoples are the best defenders of their own honour."