Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 16, 1917 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 16, 1917Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 16, 1917
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
And that evening, which is meatless and is given up largely to
asparagus (just beginning, thank God!), you certainly see no toast in
the rack, but find that the tender green faggot reposes on a slab of
it large enough to feed several children.
Mrs. Legion may go to church, but her real religion is concerned far
more with her employers' bodies than with her own soul; and among the
cardinal tenets of her faith is the necessity for dinner to be hot.
You may have a cold lunch, but everything at dinner must have been
cooked especially for that meal, all circling about the joint, or a
bird, like satellite suns.
How to cleave such a rock of tradition? How to bring the old Tory into
line with the new rules and yet not break her heart?
"And, Mrs. Legion," you say, not too boldly, and at the end of
some other remark, "we'll have yesterday's leg of mutton for dinner
to-night, with a salad."
"Cold mutton for dinner?" she replies dully.
"Yes--now the weather's getting warmer it's much nicer. It will save
coal too. Just the mutton and a salad. No potatoes."
"No potatoes!" Surely the skies are falling, says her accent. You have
been eating mashed potatoes, done with cream and a dash of beetroot in
it, with cold meat, at lunch, for years.
"No, no--we mustn't eat potatoes any more. Haven't you heard?"
"I heard something about it, yes. But aren't we to eat those we've
got?"
"No, we must give them away. Remember, just cold mutton and salad.
And no toast." You are getting more confidence. "Never toast any
more"--another light laugh--"never any more!"
And at dinner there are the cold mutton and salad all right; but to
your horror you are asked first to eat a slice of salmon with two
boiled potatoes.
"Good heavens!" you say, "what's this?"
"Well, Sir [or 'M], the fishmonger called, and as I felt sure the cold
meat couldn't be enough for you...."
Summoning all your courage you protest again, adding, "And another
thing, Mrs. Legion; you mustn't make any more pastry. The flour can't
be spared. It's not only bread we've got to be careful about, but
everything made with flour."
"Then what's the flour for?"
"That's all right. But it's got to be saved."
"I don't understand, Sir [or 'M]. I can't see why it shouldn't be used
if we have it."
"No. The idea is that every one should go without flour as much as
possible, and then there will be more and it will last longer. More
for other people."
"My duty is to this house, Sir [or 'M]. But the flour's so coarse and
brown it's hardly worth using, anyhow. I never saw such stuff. It's a
scandal. But I'm truly sorry if I've disappointed you. All I want to
do is my duty."
"You have, Mrs. Legion, you have. You've been splendid; but the time
has come now to eat less and to eat more simply. Is that clear?"
"Well, I hear you right enough, Sir [or 'M], but I can't say I
understand it. War or no war, I don't hold with folks being starved."
And there it breaks off, only, of course, to begin again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account