The sirens of the "sixties" showed No inkling of our modern Circes, And swells had not evolved the code That guides our precious Percys; Woman, in short, was grave or gay, But not a problem or a riddle, And maidens still were taught to play The harp and not the fiddle. And writers in the main eschewed All topics tending to disquiet, All efforts to reorganize Our dogmas or our diet; You could not carp at MENDELSSOHN Without creating quite a scandal, And rag-time on the gramophone Had not supplanted HANDEL. Blameless and wholesome in their way, At times agreeably subacid, I love these records of a day Long dead, but calm and placid; And with a sigh I now replace This ancient volume of _Belgravia_ And turn the "latest news" to face _Mutans amaris suavia_. * * * * * [Illustration: _Rector's Daughter._ "HOW SPLENDID OF JOE JARVIS'S SON TO VOLUNTEER FOR THAT VERY DANGEROUS JOB! I'M SO GLAD HE GOT THE MILITARY MEDAL." _Mrs. Mullins_ (_not to be outdone_). "YES, MISS. AND _MY_ BOY COULD HAVE GOT IT TOO IF HE'D CARED TO HAVE TAKEN THE RISK."] * * * * * A SLUMP IN MARIONETTES. "For the first time for centuries the Old Bailey Sessions were opened on Tuesday without the customary ceremonies connected with the summoning of a Grand Judy."--_Lincolnshire Echo._ * * * * * "Too proud to fight" has now become "Proud to fight too." * * * * * "'It was between half-past seven and eight,' said a fireman, 'and as I was off duty I came out on deck for a blow. The force of the explosion threw me along the deck for some yards.'"--_Daily Paper._ "This is indeed a blow," said the gallant stoker--we _don't_ think. * * * * * [Illustration: "HENRY, I WISH YOU WOULD WRITE TO THE URBAN COUNCIL AND TELL THEM TO SEND A DUSTMAN WHO TURNS HIS TOES _IN_. OUR ROCK BORDER'S BEING COMPLETELY RUINED!"] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)