"Lady conductors," said the Underground Railway official last week, "must remember that the seats and straps are put there for the use of the passengers." We know all about straps, but we have often wondered what it feels like to use one of the seats on the Underground. *** The police have raided a coining plant in Marylebone. It is becoming more and more difficult to make money. *** Under a recent Government order the importation of wild animals into Great Britain is forbidden. Allotment holders throughout the country hope the order will be read out to any wireworm or potato-moth that attempts to land at our ports. *** A deputation to the FOOD CONTROLLER has demanded that the allowance of bread to farm labourers should be increased to two pounds per head per day. The amount is considered excessive in view of the national needs, and the alternative course of permitting them to eat all they can grow is being favourably considered. *** Mr. MITCHEL, the Mayor of New York, has forbidden musicians to play the National Anthems of the Allies in ragtime. Mr. MITCHEL is a great humanitarian and simply hates the sound of anything in pain. *** The German Society of Actors and Singers had forbidden its members to sing in the United States. Enthusiasts from the latter country are planning an early trip to Northern France rather than miss entertainment in the Siegfried and Wotan line. *** Following so closely upon the report that a Wallasey woman had discovered a German coin in a loaf of bread we were not surprised by a contemporary headline, "Seymour Hicks in a new Role." *** Damage to the extent of twenty-five thousand pounds is said to have been caused to the crops in Australia by mice, and the Australian authorities contemplate the purchase of a mouse trap. * * * * * [Illustration: _Economist_ (_soliloquising_). "WE MUST ALL DENY OURSELVES SOMETHING. AND TO THINK, DESPITE THE PAPER SHORTAGE, PEOPLE ARE STILL SMOKING CIGARETTES."] * * * * * AN IRISH SETTLEMENT. "Miss----, who elected to serve fourteen days' imprisonment rather than pay a fine for an alleged assault arising out of a little commotion in Cork, was, on her release from prison, presented with a gold mounted umbrella in compensation for the one she broke on a policeman's head."--_Evening Herald_ (_Dublin_). In view of the admission in the last sentence, "alleged" is good. * * * * * "New York, Friday.--An elaborate programme of welcome will be escorted to the City Hall, which has been prepared. The British Mission has been strikingly decorated for the occasion with innumerable British and Allied flags."--_Liverpool Post_. We are not anxiously awaiting a snapshot of Mr. BALFOUR in his latest costume. * * * * *