Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 30, 1917Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, May 30, 1917
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Again the door opened and another red one, even more godlike,
emerged clamouring for Hubert and his blood. Had he still been in
possession of his ticket (a necessary passport for egress) Hubert
would have fled. There was nothing for it but to confess his
identity and to hope for mercy. The god, who clearly had not more
than three and a half seconds to spare, demanded an explanation of
his presence. Hubert admitted that once, in a moment of impudent
folly, he had thought of asking for a day's extension. The god
said nothing, but a light smouldered in his eyes which intimated
to Hubert that if he did not at once produce some paramount excuse
for so monstrous a request the War would be held up and the
military machine would be concentrated on punishing Hubert.
His tongue clove to the roof of his mouth; even if it had been
available it would have helped little, for it is more than mere
words that the gods require. His hand searched in his pockets and
produced the return half of his leave warrant, a five-franc
note, a box of matches, a recently purchased paper flag and the
politician's secretary's note. The first and the last were taken,
the rest fell to the floor, the door closed once more and again
Hubert was alone.
Hubert doesn't know what he did next; probably, he thinks, he sat
down and wept, and it was his tears that induced the gods not to
convert his ticket into a death-warrant, but instead to give him
the slip, "Leave extended one day for urgent private business."
This was clearly one of Hubert's most decisive victories. He had
his day's extension solely in order to interview the politician
at 6 P.M.; he was to interview the politician solely in order to
obtain his day's extension. But Hubert insists morbidly that his
was a moral defeat, amounting to utter suppression. He called upon
the politician at 6 P.M. to thank him personally. Again he could
get no further than the secretary, who, learning that Hubert's
train would not depart at all that day, regretted that the
politician would, on second thoughts, be out for a week. "Now if
I really _had_ triumphed," said Hubert, "I should have got the
secretary to put that also in writing, and should have stepped
round to the War Office again to demand a further week's extension
on the strength of it." This, however, he did not do.
Yours ever, HENRY.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "GOOD 'EVINGS! WHERE YER GOIN'?"
"YE KEN YON THREE HUNS I JUST BROUGHT IN? WEEL, THEY WANT TO PLAY
WHIST, AN' I'M GOING BACK TO TRY AND PICK UP A FOURRTH."]
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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