Why did the Liberian envoy call at the Foreign Office six times last week? His explanation, offered to an inquiring Pressman, that he had lost an umbrella, was naive, to say the least. I must not betray what I know, but I may hint that KING FERDINAND of Bulgaria is famous for the devious ways in which he carries on negotiations. * * * * * A neutral diplomatist of considerable importance has never taken a holiday since the War began, and has always told his friends that he will never leave his post till peace comes. On an afternoon this week he was seen with beaming face buying a travelling rug and two portable trunks at one of London's largest emporia. I wonder--yes, I wonder. * * * * * [_The Editor_. You are not very spicy this week. _The Contributor_. Nor would you be if you had been confined to the house at Peckham Rye with influenza. Better work next week. I have an appointment to lunch with a member of the National Liberal Club and shall get right to the heart of things.] * * * * * Extract from Army Orders at the Front:-- "A C. of E. Chaplain will shortly join the Heavy Artillery. Please make arrangements for him to be accommodated in the ---- Heavy Battery Horse Lines." The nearest thing that could be got, we suppose, to a Canon's stall. * * * * * "As approved up to date, the bread ticket will comprise four squares, each entitling the holder to purchase two ounces of bread; or, by presenting the whole ticket, two quartern loaves of 4 lb. each."--_Birmingham Daily Mail_. Mr. Punch, though yielding in patriotism to no one, has already decided to present the whole ticket. * * * * * From a letter by "Retired Diplomat" on "Maize Bread":-- "To obtain this result the hard yellow husk must be separated from the soft white core, as does the parrot, and the latter alone retained for baking purposes."--_Evening Paper_. As in these days no means of increasing the supply of food-stuffs should be neglected, we have much pleasure in passing on "Retired Diplomat's" suggestion to the authorities of the Zoo. Personally we prefer Cockatoo _en casserole_. * * * * * [Illustration: THE PRICE OF VICTORY. "WELL, OLD GIRL, IF WE CAN'T DO THAT MUCH, WE DON'T DESERVE TO WIN."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Monday, April 30th._--After this week Newmarket will be "a blasted heath," for all horse-racing is to be stopped. Irish Members could hardly believe the dreadful news. What are the hundred thousand young men who refuse to for their country to do with their spare time?