"It was dark down there," he went on, "too dark for him to see that I was in a private's uniform, so I put on a bit of side and he took me for an officer." "A French officer?" "Very likely. Anyway he found me a beautiful cabin with a lovely couch in it all covered with plush. You would have thought I should want nothing but to be left to sleep; but no, I saw that the officer in the next cabin had a candle, and there was no candle for me. Instantly my worst instincts were aroused. I felt I was being put upon. I demanded a candle. The sailor declared there wasn't one left." "You're sure he understood what you were asking for?" "Yes, I know that candle is boogy, thank you. I argued with him for ten minutes and then turned in, grumbling. Queer, wasn't it?" "Yes," I said. I sat there for a while, thinking over Ernest's story, which had, it seemed to me, something of the tract about it. Later the midges began to attack us. "Aren't these midges absolutely--" I began, and then stopped, remembering Ernest's tract. It only shows, as I said to Ernest, that we may learn something even from the most unlikely people. * * * * * "Wanted, a strong Boy, about 15 years old, for bottling, &c. The Brewery, Brixham." _The Western Guardian._ "Waiter, bring me a bottle of the boy." * * * * * "... contest the right of the Spanish authorities to intern damaged submarines seeking refuse in neutral ports."--_Star._ The Spanish authorities are expected to reply that if that is what the U-boats are after there is no need for them to leave home. * * * * * [Illustration: _First Artist._ "BY GAD! OLD PARSLEY'S SURPASSED HIMSELF. LAMB CUTLETS, TWO CHOCOLATE CAKES AND THREE LUMPS OF SUGAR. RATTLING GOOD SUBJECT." _Second Artist._ "I THOUGHT OF ONE NEARLY AS GOOD, BUT COULDN'T AFFORD THE MODELS."] * * * * * HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. _(The GERMAN CROWN PRINCE and Fritz, his Valet.)_ _The Crown Prince (in bed and yawning)._ Is that you, Fritz? _Fritz._ Yes, your Royal Highness. What uniform shall I lay out for his Royal Highness? _The C.P._ You can lay out the best I have--the one of the Death's Head Hussars, with all my stars and medals. I am expecting an important visit. _Fritz (with a meaning smile)._ If I might venture so far, I would suggest to his Royal Highness that he should wear the Trench uniform, which I arranged with the bullet-holes and the mud-splashes. It creates a greater effect, especially if the visitor be a lady. _The C.P._ Fritz, you dog, how dare you? Very well, have it your own way and let it be the Trench uniform. _Fritz._ I am only anxious to promote his Royal Highness's interest in every possible way.