But the boy had learned his lesson. "I'm afraid I don't know any yarns that would interest you, Sir," he said. "If you don't mind I think I'll turn in." The First Lieutenant smiled on him with the mature wisdom of twenty-seven summers. "Quite right, my lad. By the way, you might look in at the bath-room on the way to your cabin and tell the Junior Watchkeeper that we shan't want the bath that he is filling from the cold tap. I'm very glad we shan't." * * * * * [Illustration: Jack (_who has been bowled by a ball which kept very low_): "BLOOMIN' U-BOAT TACTICS!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Voice from gallery (during grave-digger scene in "Hamlet")._ "AIN'T YER GOING TO 'AVE NO PARAPET?"] * * * * * "Now is the opportunity for carrying out the recommendation of a Select Committee in 1908 that there should be a common gallery for men and women."--_The Vote_. A sort of Mixed Grille, in fact. * * * * * "Wanted, Upper Housemaid of two; wages £30; 5 maids; two ladies in family; quiet country place."--_Daily Paper_. Who said our upper classes are not feeling the War? * * * * * "Required, very small nicely Furnished House or Cottage. Bathroom and good private girls' school within easy walk essential."--_Daily Paper_. There is nothing so invigorating as a little walk before one's bath. * * * * * _SEMPER EADEM_. A prisoner, Gunner Grogan, E., To-day will be brought up to me For impudence and sloth; _Reveillé_ only made him sneer; Aroused, he lipped a Bombardier (And very natural--both). And I shall counter, with disdain, His feeble efforts to explain Or justify such deeds. It will be funny if I fail To twist young Gunner Grogan's tail, That being what he needs. I know he isn't really bad; Myself, I rather like the lad. (And loathe that Bombardier!) Beneath his buttons--none too bright-- May lurk the spirit of a knight-- A thwarted cavalier. For some who fought at Creçy, too, Snored on or scoffed when trumpets blew, And presently were caught; And when the clanking N.C.O.'s Came round to prod them, I suppose They up and spoke their thought. Then they were for it; up they went Paraded by the Prince's tent, While he, to meet the crime, Recalled the nastiest words he knew, And learned the worst that he could do From "K.R." of the time. And yet such criminals as those Did England proud with English bows As schoolboys have to read; And Gunner Grogan would to-day Prove every bit as stout as they Should there arise the need. But just as heroes of Romance, Who dodged parades with half a chance, Were strafed--and mighty hard-- So likewise Gunner Grogan, E., Employed in making history, Will do an extra guard.