He led me to a room which combined the architectural style of the Crystal Palace and Waterloo Station with a touch of the dentist's waiting-room. There was a khaki tent in the midst of it, and he led me towards this with the air of a broody hen anticipating the number of her chickens. "The Vadecumomnibus trench-coat," said he. "But it's a tent," I protested. "It has collapsible aluminium centre seam," he retorted rapidly, "which can be used as a tent pole in severe weather. On buttoning the top button this pole telescopes automatically and forms a bullet-proof spine protector. Each sleeve can be unscrewed and used in an emergency as a Lewis gun. This is indispensable--" "Of course," I interrupted. "But I require something quite simple and straightforward. Just a trench-coat, you understand." "We have here," he said immediately, "the Gadget coat. It possesses three hundred button-holes and three hundred buttons. Every single portion of the coat can be buttoned on to every other part at a moment's notice. The pockets are detachable and can be used as coffee cups or finger bowls. The coat itself, when stretched on our patent aluminium framework, makes an admirable hip-bath." I played nervously in my pocket with the pin of a live Mills grenade (overlooked by the A.M.L.O.). "A simple, straightforward trench-coat," I repeated. "This," said the shopman, handing me something very like a slice of plum-pudding--"this is the cross-section of a piece of the cloth out of which our 'Stopablitey' trench-coat is manufactured. It shows the strata of the material, consisting of alternate layers of old motor tyres and reinforced concrete--the whole covered with alligator skin and proofed with our patent indispensable--" It was then that I killed him and buried him under a pyramid of indispensable gadgets. It will be years before they find him. * * * * * [Illustration: _Wife_ (_Time 3.45 A.M._). "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" _Special Constable_. "AIR-RAID DUTY, DEAR." _Wife_. "WELL, DON'T LET THE CAT OUT."] * * * * * If TROTSKY is the Enver Pasha of Russia, ENVER PASHA may be described as the Turkey Trotzky. * * * * * OUR POPULAR EDUCATORS. A recent article in _The Daily Mail_ began, "Jerusalem, the famous city of the Bible..." There is nothing like taking precautions not to talk over the heads of your readers. We offer a few suggestions on similar lines:-- "Germany, the powerful enemy against whom we are contending in the present War (1914 onwards)..." "SHAKSPEARE, the immortal author of _Hamlet_ (the tragedy)..." "'Blighty', the British soldier's name for England..." "MOSES, the distinguished lawgiver and prophet..." "The GERMAN CROWN PRINCE, eldest son of KAISER WILHELM II..." "EVE, the heroine of the Garden of Eden story..." "Economy, the virtue imposed on us by the present shortage of food..." "_The Daily Mail_, a newspaper..."