Still with glances far from genial I beheld you, margarine, And restricted you to menial Services in my cuisine. Still I felt myself unable, Though you helped to fry my fish, To endure you at my table Nestling in the butter-dish. _Now_ that I have clearly tracked your Blameless progress from the nut, I proclaim your manufacture As a boon, without a "but." Now I trudge to streets far distant, Humbly in your queue to stand, Till the grocer's tired assistant Dumps the packet in my hand. Though you lack the special savour Of the product of the churn, Still the difference in flavour I'm beginning to unlearn. Thoughts of Devonshire or Dorset From my mind have vanished quite, Since the stern demands of war set Limits to my appetite. Butter is of course delicious; But when that is dear and scant Welcome, margarine, nutritious Palatable lubricant! * * * * * "The undersigned, who has just returned from the Front, begs to inform the Public that he has opened a Barber's Shop on the ground floor of Miss ----'s house in Great George Street, where he is prepared to give CUTS in any style required."--_Dominion Chronicle_. Well, his customers can't complain that they weren't warned. * * * * * TO HELP OUR OTHER ARMY. With all eyes so focussed on the great deeds of our men in France, in Palestine and on the sea, there is a possibility of losing sight now and then of the constant and devoted efforts of the women and girls at home, without whose co-operation the War could not be successfully waged at all. We are the debtors not only of the munition workers who, in their hundreds of thousands, are toiling for victory, but of women and girls in myriad other employments, which they have cheerfully attacked and mastered; and any little thing that we can do for them should, Mr. Punch holds, be done. A practical and very simple way of adding to their happiness and well-being is to contribute a mite to the funds of the Girls' Friendly Society, an organisation with the finest traditions, which is doing its best to build rest and recreation huts all over England, for the purpose of conserving the health and spirits of our great feminine army. A moment's thought will show how vitally and nationally important such help is. Contributions should be sent to the Secretary, War Emergency Committee, Girls' Friendly Society, 39, Victoria Street, S.W.1. * * * * * MY AUNT MATILDA. "It's too bad," said Francesca, "it really is. It'll spoil Christmas." "The question is," I said, "that this House do accept my Aunt Matilda's invitation of herself to stay in it for an uncertain period at or about Christmas. I think the Ayes have it." "The Noes have it," shouted Francesca.