"The Padre." "Wot's 'e doin' of?" "Gawd knows." A man rose to his knees, from his knees to his feet, and stumbled forward, mumbling, "'E give me a packet of fags when I was broke." "Me too," growled another, and followed his chum. "They'll shoot 'im in a minute," a voice shouted, suddenly frightened. "'Ere, this ain't war, this is blasted baby-killin'." In another five seconds the whole line was up and jogging forward at a lurching double. "And a little child shall lead them," murmured the Colonel happily, as he put his best foot forwards; a miracle had happened, and his dear ruffians would go down in glory. But as they topped the hill crest came the shrill of a whistle from the opposite ridge, and there was half a battalion of the Rutlands back-casting for the enemy that had broken through their posts. With wild yells both parties charged downwards into the sunken road. When the tumult and shouting had died Patrick went in quest of the little Padre. He discovered him sitting on the wreck of his bivouac of the night; he was clasping some small article to his bosom, and the look in his face was that of a man who had found his heart's desire. Patrick sat himself down on a box of bombs, and looked humbly at the Reverend Paul. It is an awful thing for a man suddenly to find he has been entertaining a hero unawares. "Oh, Dicky Bird, Dicky Bird, why did you do it?" he inquired softly. The Padre cocked his head on one side and commenced to ooze apologies from every pore. "Oh dear--you know how absurdly absent-minded I am; well, I suddenly remembered I had left my teeth behind." PATLANDER. * * * * * [Illustration: _Old Lady._ "And what regiment are you in?" _The Sub._ "7th Blankshires. But I'm attached to the 9th Wessex." _Old Lady._ "Really! Now _do_ tell me why the officers get so fond of regiments with aren't their own."] * * * * * "At Nottingham on Saturday the damages ranging from £7 10s. to £3 were ordered to be paid by a number of miners for absenteeism. It was stated that, although absolved from military obligations by reason of their occupation, there had been glaring neglect of responsibility, some men having lost three ships a week."--_Western Morning News_. These mines are very tricky things. * * * * * THE AS. The French, always so quick to give things names--and so liberal about it that, to the embarrassment and undoing of the unhappy foreigner, they sometimes invent fifty names for one thing--have added so many words to the vocabulary since August, 1914, that a glossary, and perhaps more than one, has been published to enshrine them. Without the assistance of this glossary it is almost impossible to read some of the numerous novels of poilu life.