* * * * * "A Chaplain Wanted, for private chapel in the Highlands. There is plenty of stalking for a good shot, also there is fishing, shooting, and golf. A chaplain is wanted who can drive a motor-car. Terms £1, travelling expenses are paid, and there are rooms provided."--_Daily Telegraph_. Yet there are still people who write to the newspapers demanding "Liberty for the Church." * * * * * [Illustration: LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: ITS DISTURBING INFLUENCE.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Mother_. "OH, MARY, WHY DO YOU WIPE YOUR MOUTH WITH THE BACK OF YOUR HAND?" _Mary_. "'COS IT'S SO MUCH CLEANER THAN THE FRONT."] * * * * * "SHIPS THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT." I, who before these lines appear (or don't) Must face the Board reviewing my diseases, Am fluttered, as the sentient soul is wont, Thinking how rum the case of me and these is; We'll come together--just because it pleases Some higher Pow'r--and then for ever part. Not having learnt each other's views on Art, Nor in our only chat got really heart to heart. They'll sound _my_ heart, it's true, but in a way ... Perhaps they'll ask me if I've had enteric; But can I tell them that I've writ a play And have a nephew who is atmospheric? Or that my people meant me for a cleric (But Satan didn't)? or even that I shan't Be left much money by my maiden aunt?-- These are the human links that bind us, but I can't. Nor can I hope to get behind the mask That shrouds from me their human cares and graces. "Is your name William?" I shall want to ask, And burn to know if this one bets on races, Or that one has a pretty taste in braces, Or if a third, who only says, "Just so," Beneath his tunic has a heart aglow With treasured words of praise dropped by his golfing pro. We'll part, we'll part! Nor with a soulful cry Will one strong human citadel surrender. M.O.'s who dandle babes no less than I Will leave me cold; M.O.'s who have a tender Passion for my own type of sock-suspender Won't utter it. Though on my heaving breast They lean their heads, they'll lean them uncaressed; We'll part, nor overstep the auscultation test. * * * * * "AMERICA'S BLOCKADE. By David G. Pinkney, the well-known chip-owner."--_Evening News_. A chip of the old blockade. * * * * * "Businesses suitable for ex-soldiers: generals and others; taking £40 wkly, price £35. Call or stamp."--_The Daily Chronicle_. We can almost hear our Generals stamping. * * * * * "It was an extremely difficult thing to effect a hit with anti-aircraft guns. A 'ricohetting' pheasant was nothing to it."--_The Globe_.