"Candidates for the diplomatic service," says Lord ROBERT CECIL, "will after the War be largely drawn from persons of talent." It is not known who first thought of this, but it just shows what a pull politicians have over ordinary people when it comes to thinking out things. *** At the St. Pancras Tribunal last week an applicant said his only remaining partner had been ill in bed for some weeks, and the Chairman of the Tribunal promptly remarked, "Obviously a sleeping partner." This joke has been duly noted by a well-known revue manager, and as soon as a cast has been engaged an entirely new and topical review will be written round it. *** The policy of air reprisals advocated by a section of the Press has found much support. Indeed one prominent pacifist has even threatened to put out his tongue at the next covey of enemy aeroplanes which visits this country. *** The raspberry crop in Scotland is to be taken over by Lord RHONDDA. The rumour that it is to be used for Army jam has had a most demoralising effect upon the market in imported tomatoes. *** Mysteriously, in the night, a pile of shells representing thirteen thousand eggs was deposited on a common outside Munich. This evidence of at least one citizen's return to the pre-war breakfast has given rise in some quarters to hopes of an early peace. *** It must have been something more than carelessness that caused an evening contemporary to announce in a recent edition: "Since the commencement of the War three solicitors have become brigandiers." *** It is reported that two Leicestershire farm labourers have brought up twenty-nine children between them. It is hoped that the news will not cause any allotment enthusiasts to abandon their holdings. *** Another hotel has been commandeered by the National Service Department. The task of preparing lists of men and women who would be willing to perform National Service if they were not already engaged in it is assuming colossal proportions. * * * * * [Illustration: _Teuton writes_: "I am sad at heart, dear Gretchen. Despite my weak sight they have for some reason drafted me into the shock troops."] * * * * * A Chinese butcher's reply to a complaint of short weight:-- "Butcher said he had gave to your coolie with full weight and expecting your coolie fall down some of them on the road." * * * * * LESSONS OF THE WAR. II. (_The Ophir Gold Pantomime Syndicate issues its Preliminary Instructions for the Production of its Annual Pantomime._) PRELIMINARY INSTRUCTIONS. O.G.P.S. 42/B/26. _November 20th_, 1919. 1. _General Outline_. It is the intention of the Ophir Gold Pantomime Syndicate to attack and capture the Public Favour on the night of the 26/27 December, 1919.