Cross-talk Machine Fun Fire will be under direction of O.C. Gags. 11. _Music_. Choruses and incidentals will be original. That is to say, they will be taken from last year's MSS. and the crotchets moved up one space and the quavers down one space. 12. _Rehearsals_. A hot meal will be served after midnight rehearsals and taxis will be provided for those who care to pay for them. "Q" will arrange. 13. _The Audience_. Hostile retaliation is not anticipated, but arrangements will be made to deal summarily with any counterattack. O.C. Chuckers-Out will arrange. 14. _Organisation_. The goodwill and earnest co-operation of all are solicited to achieve the success which will be advantageous to all, especially to the philanthropic Directors, who are poor men and cannot really afford it. _Issued at 4 p.m._ Copies to:-- All Concerned. (Signed) Etc., etc., etc. * * * * * HAVE YOU WATCHED THE FAIRIES? Have you watched the fairies when the rain is done Spreading out their little wings to dry them in the sun? I have, I have! Isn't it fun? Have you heard the fairies all among the limes Singing little fairy tunes to little fairy rhymes? I have, I have, lots and lots of times. Have you seen the fairies dancing in the air And dashing off behind the stars to tidy up their hair? I have, I have; I've been there! * * * * * WAR THE REJUVENATOR. "Rear-Admiral Sims ... is 59 years old and will be 53 next October."--_Saturday Evening Post_. * * * * * "Miss ---- played the other works mentioned also, but while Miss ---- can play these better than most--by far--she brings the purest of fresh-air feeling into her playing of Bach's 'O Si Sic Omnes.'"--_Daily Telegraph_. What we want to hear is OFFENBACH'S _Mens sana in corpore sano._ * * * * * "A personal experience in a large office not 1,000 miles from where the bombs fell. Not a sign of panic; hardly even of alarm."--_The Globe_. We have heard of places not even 10 miles away where equal intrepidity was displayed. * * * * * "UNIVERSITY OF BRISTOL CONTINGENT O.T.C. Recruiting--Suitable candidates for admission should be under the age of 7 years and 6 months, except in the case of former members of a junior contingent."--_Bristol Evening News_. The result of Baby Week at Bristol. * * * * * General VON BLUME says America's intervention is no more than "a straw." But which straw? The last? * * * * * [Illustration: THE DEMOCRATIC TURN. LITTLE WILLIE. "THIS MAY BE FUN FOR FATHER, BUT IT WON'T SUIT ME."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Proud Producer_. "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT FOR A NEW POTATO?" _Friend_. "IT'S NOT A NEW POTATO. YOU'VE SHOWN IT TO ME THREE TIMES ALREADY."]