According to _The Evening News_ a gang of thieves are "working" the West End billiard saloons. So far no billiard tables have been actually stolen, but a sharp look-out is being kept on men leaving the saloons with bulgy pockets. *** Addressing a Berlin meeting Herr STEGERWALD said, "We went to war at the side of the Kaiser, and the All Highest will return from war with us." If we may be permitted to say anything, we expect he will be leading by at least a couple of lengths. * * * * * [Illustration: _Film Producer_ (_to cinema artist hesitating on the threshold_). "YOU'D SOONER NOT, EH? WHAT DO YOU THINK I GOT YOU EXEMPTED FOR?"] * * * * * COMMERCIAL CANDOUR. From a Native Tender for Works:-- "In last we hope to be favoured with your orders, in the execution of which we will neglect nothing that can cause you any inconvenience." * * * * * "In the past quarter there were 19 births (6 males and 13 females), comprising 10 between 1 and 65 years, and 9 65 and upwards."--_Huntingdonshire Post_. The method of dodging the Military Service Acts adopted by these elderly infants strikes us as distinctly unpatriotic. * * * * * LOOKING AHEAD. "Comfortable Home for young lady as paying guest; every convenience; near Cemetery."--_Local Paper_. * * * * * "Nothing which happens in Russia ... can alter the bare fact that Germany is _in extremis_. I am not sure that _articula mortis_ wouldn't be the correct term."--_John Bull_. We, on the other hand, are quite sure it wouldn't. * * * * * "'Is it fresh, salt, Danish, or what?' one of the shop assistants was asked. 'Don't know,' he replied, as he wiped the perspiration from his brow, and into the heap of butter with his pats."--_Evening Paper_. The vogue of margarine is now explained. * * * * * "Servant (general), lady, two gentlemen; no starch."--_Scotsman_. We are glad to see that mistresses are taking a firm line against the prevailing stiffness of manners below stairs. * * * * * "Of 9,048 houses in Newport only 5,130 are occupied by one family."--_The Western Mail_. If full advantage were taken of the housing accommodation it appears that Newport would contain almost two nowadays. * * * * * GERMAN OFFICIAL. "Only a slight gain near Poelcapelle, 300 inches deep by 1,200 inches wide, remains to the enemy."--_Nottingham Evening Post_. But by this time the Germans have discovered that, when they give him an inch, Sir DOUGLAS HAIG takes an ell. * * * * * MORE TALK WITH GERMAN PEACEMONGERS. (_Including an incidental reference to Mr. H.G. WELLS._)